Stuff Leaking From My Brain

George Lucas Can't Write Dialogue

2010-09-06T12:17:00.003-05:00

Duh.
Everyone knows that. The final 3 Star Wars movies proved it absolutely.
The 4th Indiana Jones movie also proved he's turned to the dark side of filmmaking.

I'm watching Star Wars: Episode 4 on Spike TV today. It's pretty wild how I'm still seeing new things / thinking new things about a 33-year-old movie. Today's thought: Han Solo is pretty terrified that Jabba has a bounty on his head. He meets Jabba and makes a deal for debt repayment. He gets his reward for delivering the Princess and tells Chewie that it is more than enough to pay Jabba. Then, in Empire Strikes Back, we find out that Jabba still has a bounty on Han. Wait. Why the hell didn't he go pay Jabba between movies?

Seeing that awful "Greedo shoots first" scene made me think that someone with some CGI program needs to clumsily re-edit every scene in the trilogy where Han shoots first and make a mash-up video where everyone else shoots first. Would be hilarious.

There is a strange truth that Star Wars fans are generational. It goes something like this:
If you first saw the original 3 Star Wars movies, then those are your favorites, and everything after is okay-to-crap.
If you first saw the last 3 Star Wars movies, then those are your favorites, and the original movies are campy-to-crap.
If you first saw the Clone Wars animated stuff, then those are your favorites, the final 3 movies are okay and the original movies are goofy-to-sucky.

What is interesting to me about all that is it also follows the arc of movie-making.
The Original trilogy came out at a time when special effects began to take a leap forward. However, well-received movies still needed to have compelling stories and a solid plot. FX was icing on the cake.
The last trilogy came out at a time when special effects had run rampant in movies and the CGI dream had finally been realized. Well-received movies did not need much plot, and blockbuster films tended have thin stories that were only deigned to deliver dazzling special effects to the audience. Very little cake, tons of icing.
The Clone Wars animated show finally realizes a dream of many directors - making a film without those pesky actors. Now everything on the screen can be controlled. Worlds of imagination can be created and populated. Stories are created for the sole purpose of exploring these worlds. Just like the video games of today, screw the cake...have a bowl of icing.

The 4th Indiana Jones movie was also that kind of movie - CGI ideas first, plot as an afterthought. Seriously - Indy inside a refrigerator during an atomic test? Sorry, George...I'm going to have to ask you to turn in your filmmaker's card.

Rookie Pitcher Accomplishes Feat Few Cubs Starters Have

2010-08-04T08:00:00.009-05:00

Last night in game number 107 of the season, the Cubs starter was 27-year-old rookie Thomas Diamond. For the past few years my only criticism of Lou Piniella was that he doesn’t leave his starters in long enough. Generally, that is borne out of the fact that Cubs relievers all suck ass. I have had several people defend Lou to me by suggesting that not everyone can be the CG monster Roy Halliday, and that you can’t let the pitch count get too high. The pitch count defense is ridiculous to me – and I am a research professional! Pitch counts are arbitrary and have no relation to how tired a pitcher’s arm might be or whether he’s lost his stuff. Ask Nolan Ryan about pitch counts.

Anyway...

Thomas Diamond has pitched 108.1 innings for Iowa this year. More innings in 2010 than all Cubs pitchers except Ryan Dempster Ted Lilly and Randy Wells. Twice as many innings as he pitched last year in the minors and the most innings in a season for him since 2006.

Thomas Diamond threw 122 pitches yesterday for the Cubs.
Oh, my God! His arm is going to fall off!

Thomas Diamond threw more pitches in a 2010 game than Ted Lilly, Tom Gorzelanny or Carlos Zambrano.
Only 5 other times have Cubs pitchers pitched 122+ pitches this year (Dempster 3x, Wells 1x, Silva 1x) – all in May & June.

Funny how in April and May, managers take pitchers out early because it’s early in the season. You would expect that as the season progresses and starters fall into their routines, they would stay in games longer. Yet, that doesn’t seem to be the case with Lou Piniella.

Still, props to Lou Piniella for letting his starter pitch last night. Considering the Cubs are at the top of the league in “quality starts’, one wonders if the team would have a few more wins had Lou left his pitchers in the game another inning or so past when he has the urge to take them out (Nolan Ryan’s dictate to Rangers manager Ron Washington). Why the hell not? I assume that unlike most rookies, the Cubs aren’t too worried about Diamond’s arm flying off. Why would they be more concerned with the arms flying off the more experienced pitching staff this season?

Meanwhile, let’s hope the next Cubs manager stops counting pitches and lets the starters pitch the 7th inning more frequently.

RUSH in Chicago July 5, 2010

2010-07-06T11:45:00.000-05:00

RUSH is the greatest rock band ever!!!!!
Okay, so now that that is out of the way...

I am still pretty geeked over the RUSH concert last night at Meigs Field Arena. RUSH may be a little older, but they blow nearly every touring band out of the water. The show started just past 7:30 and ended at 10:45, with about a 20 minute intermission to give the guys a break. They produced several hilarious video bits for before, during and after the show - including a long video at the end called "I Still Love You Man" with Paul Rudd and Jason Seigel. However, the highlight was RUSH playing the album "Moving Pictures" all the way through.

RUSH ROCKED!

Here, for your listening enjoyment, is the set list (videos taken from various performances):

THE SPIRIT OF RADIO

TIME STAND STILL

PRESTO

STICK IT OUT

WORKIN’ THEM ANGELS

LEAVE THAT THING ALONE

FAITHLESS

BU2B (BROUGHT UP TO BELIEVE)

FREEWILL

MARATHON

SUBDIVISIONS

INTERMISSION

TOM SAWYER

RED BARCHETTA

YYZ

LIMELIGHT

THE CAMERA EYE

WITCH HUNT

VITAL SIGNS

CARAVAN

NEIL DRUM SOLO

CLOSER TO THE HEART

2110 OVERTURE / THE TEMPLES OF SYRINX

FAR CRY

ENCORE:

LA VILLA STRANGIATO

WORKING MAN

Sun-Times NHL Preview Sent To Penalty Box

2010-04-13T15:14:00.003-05:00

Open up the print edition of today's Sun-Times and in the sports section there is an NHL Playoff Preview written by Adam Jahns. I can't be the only NHL fan that cringed when I saw the page - before even reading one word of the story.

7 of the 16 NHL team logos the Sun-Times used are horribly out-of-date! Holy crap!!

The online edition of the story uses photos of players, which probably means they don't have electronic versions of the logos, right?
Check out the logos at Chris Creamer's Sports Logo page.
You can also check out the awesome NHL Uniforms website to see the current logos.

Here's what was printed:

SAN JOSE SHARKS

S-T USED: Triangle & black shark logo last used for 2006-2007 season.

CURRENT LOGO: Shark body completes the upper left corner of triangle shape, and also has dark teal coloring on its head.

LOS ANGELES KINGS

S-T USED: Shield & crossed sticks logo last used for the 2006-2007 season.

CURRENT LOGO: Single crown.

WASHINGTON CAPITALS

S-T USED: Flying eagle logo last used for the 2006-2007 season.

CURRENT LOGO: Capitals script with hockey stick or "W" eagle logo.

OTTAWA SENATORS

S-T USED: Used the logo with centurion looking to the right last used for the 2006-2007 season.

CURRENT LOGO: Centurion looking forward.

BOSTON BRUINS

S-T USED: Used the classic logo last used for the 2006-2007 season.

CURRENT LOGO: Serifs added to "B", spokes have darker outlines.

BUFFALO SABRES

S-T USED: Used the Buffalo head logo last used for the 2005-2006 season.

CURRENT LOGO: Buffaslug.

PITTSBURGH PENGUINS

S-T USED: Corporate-style penguin logo last used for the 2000-2001 season!!!

CURRENT LOGO: Classic cartoon penguin in triangle.

Is The Italic Institute Still Fighting With the ALL CAPS LEAGUE?

2010-04-12T18:00:00.039-05:00

I thought I saw a typo in Bill Zwecker's column today, but no...it was just a word with dual meanings that make it sound funny (highlighting by me).

NO FAN OF 'DATE': Tina Fey and Steve Carell's new action romantic comedy ''Date Night'' snared mostly rave reviews (including from Sun-Times film critic Roger Ebert), but the Italic Institute of America has blasted the movie for perpetuating the image of Italians as mobsters. In the film, Ray Liotta plays a gangster named Miletto out to have Fey and Carell's characters whacked, due to a case of mistaken identity. ''Yet the film's star, Carell, is an Italian American from Massachusetts,'' said the institute's chairman, Chicagoan Bill Dal Cerro. ''Steve Carell's talent -- indeed, his very existence -- exposes the Hollywood bigotry featured in the movie.''

So, of course my only thought was the legendary turf wars fought between the Italic Institute, the Bold Foundation, the ALL CAPS LEAGUE, the ~~strikethru association~~ and the Underline Academy!

Alas! Aside from being the name of a cursive typeface based on a stylized form of calligraphic handwriting, the term "Italic" also means "of or from Italy". Who knew? Especially since it is commonly used to refer to the people and languages of what is now Italy from the historic period before the Roman Empire.
That said, I will always consider the Italic Institute of America to be a hilarious name!

SARAH PALIN: Riding the Short Bus

2010-02-08T17:45:00.001-06:00

One of my favorite things in the world is when seemingly-intelligent self-righteous people are exposed as hypocrites and are very slow to understand it as such. For this, Sarah Palin is a goldmine! First, she jumps on her Facebook account and slams the President’s Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel for using the term “Retarded” in describing some progressive democrats during a private meeting. This apparently is such an egregious offense that Palin demands Emanuel resign immediately (perhaps with the hope she would be his replacement). Emanuel does, in fact, apologize but only after an appeal from the rational people at the Special Olympics. Unfortunately for Palin, Conservative drug user Rush Limbaugh responded to this by repeatedly using the term on his radio program. Considering Palin’s stance that using the term just once in a private meeting deserves dismissal from one’s job, it might come as a surprise to the fair-and-balanced crowd that Sarah Palin is okay with Rush Limbaugh throwing it around as an insult on his popular radio program. Amazingly, Palin has yet to demand that Premiere Radio Networks fire Rush Limbaugh immediately for using a term that she says is on par with the “N” word.

Is Sarah Palin a self-righteous hypocrite, or is she just...you know...”slow”?

THE BETTER HEADLINE: Stephanopoulos Has Clinton Genetic Material in Him

2010-01-29T11:30:00.005-06:00

Yeah, I think "Stephanopoulos Has Clinton Genetic Material in Him" is a much better headline...

Stephanopoulos learns of genetic link to a Clinton

NEW YORK (AP) – George Stephanopoulos has learned that he may be genetically linked to U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Stephanopoulos, co-anchor of ABC News' "Good Morning America," underwent DNA testing to promote "Faces of America With Henry Louis Gates Jr.," a four-part series on family histories premiering Feb. 10 on PBS.

Stephanopoulos, 48, learned of his possible link to Clinton during Friday's "GMA" show. "I'm getting a little nervous here," he said before Gates gave him the news.

"You are very likely a maternal cousin with Hillary Clinton," Gates told him.

"You're putting me on," Stephanopoulos said. "Sorry, Secretary Clinton. I did not set this up."

Gates said "as far as we know," Clinton hasn't been tested.

PBS says Gates used the latest tools of genealogy and genetics to explore the family histories of 12 Americans, including Elizabeth Alexander, Stephen Colbert, Yo-Yo Ma, Queen Noor, Meryl Streep and Kristi Yamaguchi.

RUSH NEWS – “The Hockey Theme” by Neil Peart Debuts

2010-01-14T22:00:00.003-06:00

From TSN.ca:

NEIL PEART'S VERSION OF THE HOCKEY THEME DEBUTS
1/14/2010 4:53:09 PM

Drum roll, please!

After legendary Rush drummer Neil Peart recorded a new rock version of The Hockey Theme last month, the percussion-inspired rendition of ''Canada's second national anthem'' made its NHL on TSN debut Thursday night prior to the Philadelphia Flyers and Toronto Maple Leafs game.

Peart's unique rock version of The Hockey Theme will be used during select NHL on TSN broadcasts throughout the remainder of the NHL season. It will also be available for digital download on iTunes on Tuesday, January 19th.

The new version of The Hockey Theme showcases Peart on a custom drum kit by DW Drums featuring the logos of all 30 NHL teams. Peart and DW Drums are donating the custom kit to the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto, where it will be on display for hockey and music fans alike to enjoy.

The St. Catharines-born percussionist worked with Grammy Award-winning producer Nick Raskulinecz to create his interpretation of the iconic theme.

''Growing up in Southern Ontario in the '50s and '60s as 'a kid who couldn't skate right' was a serious handicap,'' said Peart. ''Hockey totally dominated our lives for half the year -- Sunday nights with my dad at the St. Catharines Arena cheering on the Junior A Blackhawks, anxiously watching NHL games on television, arguing in the schoolyard over favourite teams and players, trading hockey cards, putting them on our bicycle spokes, and playing on backyard rinks and frozen ponds, on the street, and on those old tabletop games. Hockey ruled.

So, all these years later, being invited to create a new version of ''Canada's second national anthem'' for TSN's NHL broadcasts was a huge honour to me, and an exciting musical challenge. The day of recording and filming it - in the presence of the Stanley Cup - was truly one of the great experiences of my life. (Take that, bullies from 50 years ago!)''

For the recording, Peart wore his trademark cap adorned with the logos of the original six NHL teams. He also wore a hockey jersey featuring his 'Bubba's Bar & Grill' logo on the front and the number three on the back, in reference to the three members of Rush. The band's name was also sewn onto the jersey's nameplate.

Peart is widely regarded as one of the world's most accomplished and respected drummers/percussionists. As Rush's drummer and primary lyricist, Peart has recorded 18 studio albums with the band which have sold more than 40 million units worldwide. Along with his band mates, Peart was inducted into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame and was made an Officer of the Order of Canada.

And this cool quote from WinnipegFreepress.com:

Peart used a custom-designed drumset while recording the song. The set is adorned with the logos of all 30 NHL teams - each one sprayed and masked by hand, one colour at a time, he said - and a blue chrome finish that Peart wanted to look like icicles.

The set will now be kept in the Hockey Hall of Fame. That fact delights Peart, in part, because he says he was never very talented as a hockey player growing up.

"What a joke, eh!" he said with a laugh. "I made the joke to my mom, I said: 'Take THAT, bullies from 50 years ago!'

"The other joke is that we (Rush) have not been put in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but now we're in the Hockey Hall of Fame.

"I think, as Canadians, we're satisfied."

...yeah, but WE, as American RUSH fans are not satisfied...

RUSH NEWS – Next Release Might Not be Full Album

2010-01-13T20:00:00.000-06:00

I'd prefer a full album, but RUSH have earned the right to do what they want. Besides...any RUSH is better than no RUSH.

From WinnipegFreepress.com:

Neil Peart says the next Rush release might not be a traditional album
By: Nick Patch, THE CANADIAN PRESS
01/13/2010 5:04 PM

TORONTO - Rush drummer Neil Peart says the legendary Toronto band is in the early stages of planning a new project but the new music may not be released in traditional album format.

"We feel very much liberated from the album format in a way right now, because in the three years since our last album (2007's 'Snakes & Arrows'), suddenly albums don't mean anything," Peart told The Canadian Press in a telephone interview from his home in California.

"We're thinking of writing and recording a few songs and maybe releasing them, and playing them live, and then going back and doing some more later. We just feel really free (in terms) of what we might do right now.

"Anything is possible in the nicest way and we like the fact of shaking it all up."

Peart says he's started writing new lyrics while bandmates Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson are preparing at their Toronto studio ("every time we start a new record, the technology is all different, and we've gotta learn it . . . again," he explains).

Asked if he would be willing to reveal details of any of the new songs, the personable Peart replied: "No, sir. (But) I like them."

But the 57-year-old says the band is aware that the record industry is in flux, and would rather adapt with the times than worry about the past.

"We're kind of taking this as a challenge to do something with, rather than to moan about," he explained.

"(It's) a healthier reaction than getting mad: 'Aww, things aren't how they used to be - we wanted to make a 12-inch album with two sides!' Those things ARE hard to give up, and every time now we make a side one and side two mentally and build the dynamics . . . so there is something lost.

"But, on the other hand, it's pointless to lament about it, and now we have the opportunity to take advantage of this amorphous situation going on in the music business right now."

Peart was similarly forward-thinking when it came time to record a new version of "The Hockey Theme," the iconic song that has opened broadcasts of "Hockey Night in Canada" for 40 years.

Peart's version will debut on TSN during Thursday's broadcast of the Toronto-Philadelphia game and will then be used for the rest of the season by the network.

After being "blown away" by the invitation to recreate the classic tune, Peart decided on his approach: a "drum solo with horns."

Drawing on every trick in his drumming arsenal - and it's an understatement to say the famed percussionist has many - Peart tried to cram as many spectacular flourishes into the one-minute clip as he could.

He imbued a bit of a Latin flavour to the beat, included a breakneck snare fill and his classic double kick-drum fills, played with a tempo and phrasing that Peart says were unique for him.

He's hopeful that Canadians are willing to give his version a chance.

"I can only hope that it's received with the spirit and sincerity with which I offer it," he said.

"Because, like with anything else, there's bound to be a certain conservative backlash: 'That doesn't sound how it sounded before!' That is human nature, to be comfortable with things they way they were, so I can only hope people will receive it as well as I mean it."

And Peart clearly means it.

A lifelong hockey fan, he speaks with an obvious passion for the project. Peart talks of a childhood spent in St. Catharines, Ont., attending junior A games with his dad, tucking hockey cards into the spokes of his bicycle and flipping the paddles on table-top hockey games.

In the early '80s, he recalls that Rush would occasionally rent arenas after their concerts, dress up in full hockey gear and play until the wee hours of the morning.

"Play terribly, not with any grace or skill, but certainly with enthusiasm and a lot of laughter," he said.

Now living in California, Peart says he relishes tuning into games when he stays at his home in Quebec.

"One of my great pleasures is to be up there in the winter and sit down on a snowy night and put the hockey game on," he said. "It's like putting an IV into my arm of Canada, of Canadian-ness."

Recording the new version of "The Hockey Theme" in Los Angeles meant trying to educate his American musicians on the song's iconic importance north of the border.

"I told them: 'Every Canadian can hum this theme and real Canadians have it as a ringtone,"' he said.

"I said: 'This performance we're about to make will be heard by every man, woman, grandma, child, moose and beaver in Canada. There's no American analog for this. This is absolutely a nationwide phenomenon."'

Peart used a custom-designed drumset while recording the song. The set is adorned with the logos of all 30 NHL teams - each one sprayed and masked by hand, one colour at a time, he said - and a blue chrome finish that Peart wanted to look like icicles.

The set will now be kept in the Hockey Hall of Fame. That fact delights Peart, in part, because he says he was never very talented as a hockey player growing up.

"What a joke, eh!" he said with a laugh. "I made the joke to my mom, I said: 'Take THAT, bullies from 50 years ago!'

"The other joke is that we (Rush) have not been put in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but now we're in the Hockey Hall of Fame.

"I think, as Canadians, we're satisfied."

STUFF I WONDER ABOUT – The Doomsday Clock

2010-01-12T15:00:00.002-06:00

From LiveScience.com:

The minute hand of the famous Doomsday Clock is set to move this Thursday, and for the first time, anyone with Internet access can watch. Which way the hand will move and by how much have not been made public.

The event will take place at 10 a.m. EST (1500 GMT) on Jan. 14 at the New York Academy of Sciences Building in New York City. While the actual clock is housed at the Bulletin of Atomic Sciences offices in Chicago, Ill., a representation of the clock will be changed at Thursday's news conference. (You can watch the live Web feed at http://www.TurnBackTheClock.org )

The Doomsday Clock represents how close scientists believe the human race is to annihilating itself.

I always thought it was funny that all these thoughtful, intelligent scientists are still using analog technology.

Will someone get these guys a digital clock already?!?

Single, Unwed Mother Announces Pregnancy on TV Newscast. Twins!

2010-01-12T13:00:00.003-06:00

I ran across this story about a Philadelphia news anchor and cringed.

And the big story on Action News tonight, Monica Malpass is pregnant and due to deliver in June. The longtime 6ABC anchor announced her pregnancy (sic) toward the end of the 5 p.m. newscast. A station source says Malpass told co-workers she is carrying twins, though she did not mention twins on the air. The 48-year-old news anchor has one son, Jake, 9, with real estate developer ex-husband David Cutler. No word yet on who is the father, but Malpass' wish for more children was no secret.

I’m not a big fan of TV News Anchormeat taking time out of the newscast to deliver a personal message. It’s the arrogance and self-importance about it that I find distasteful as well as highly unprofessional. That said, once an anchor does that, all bets are off and their personal life is fair game for reporting. Relentless reporting. Had her co-anchor been a real journalist, he would have turned to her an asked “Who’s the father, Monica?” maybe even “do you think it’s wise to have more children at your age - I mean you’ll be collecting social security before they are adults, after all.”

No, really. I'm happy for her. It's not newscast news, though.

Sun-Times Race Columnist Fails in Comparing Apples With Motorcycles

2010-01-11T17:00:00.001-06:00

I like a lot of what Mary Mitchell writes, but too frequently she makes bad leaps in logic. Yesterday's column was a fail. In her Sunday Sun-Times column “Sheen's career sails on while Brown's suffers”, Mitchell thinks that Chris Brown got worse treatment than Charlie Sheen after their domestic abuse incidents.

Her column starts by mentioning a flawed comparison between the treatment of Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen, and specifically that even though both lost endorsements; Charlie Sheen somehow gets to keep his job on TV. Even Mitchell rightly finds this argument off-base (maybe because the PGA hasn’t banned Woods) but then takes to yet another off-base in comparing treatment of Sheen and Chris Brown.

As Mitchell wrote:

Brown is accused of punching Rihanna and pushing her head against a car window. Last August, Brown pleaded guilty to felony assault and was sentenced to five year's probation, six months of community labor and a year of domestic violence counseling. When the allegations became public, Brown's skyrocketing career had a crash landing. He went from strutting down the red carpet to picking up trash on the side of the road in a jail jump suit. Frankly, the media showed Brown no mercy. No matter how many times he apologized, it wasn't enough. Brown had to grovel.

Then comes the comparison:

Sheen was locked up on Christmas Day for allegedly threatening his wife with a knife. Initially, police in Aspen, Colo., wouldn't even name the accuser, citing a department policy that prohibited them from identifying potential victims in domestic violence cases. Sheen was released on $8,500 bond. But unlike Brown, Sheen isn't being condemned as a hopeless wife beater. It isn't even clear that the actor will be prosecuted on a "menacing" charge.

So, two weeks ago Sheen was arrested and she’s wondering why the media haven’t crucified him yet?
What, is she new to celebrity tear downs? These things build in momentum!
Also, what’s the deal with highlighting that Aspen police wouldn’t name the accuser? Did she forget that LA Police would not name Rihanna as Chris Brown’s punching bag for EXACTLY THE SAME reason? Did she forget it was the paparazzi who photographed a bruised Rihanna after the fact who pretty much revealed her as the victim?
Also, let’s keep in mind that Brown physically assaulted Rihanna while Sheen did not get to the assault point. Not to minimize his criminal behavior, but there is a difference by degrees.

Brown beat Rihanna on Feb 8, 2009 and was charged with felony assault and making criminal threats 4 weeks later. Mitchell forgets that Rihanna acted like many abused in relationships and wanted to let the incident go and even get back with Chris Brown. Luckily Rihanna had concerned family and entourage members who steered her otherwise.
Right now all we know is that the Colorado DA’s office isn’t letting Sheen off the hook even though his wife wants to let the incident go. Let’s hope charges are filed and followed through.

The Black/White angle here is utter bullshit. It’s more a case of Sheen’s ability to cover up and hide his abuse while Chris Brown was out in the open and exposed. Also note the relative fame of the victims as a barometer for how ferocious the media attacks the abuser. And don’t give me the Denise Richards argument – at the time she was only well-known for two things she never should have been in...Starship Troopers and a marriage with Charlie Sheen.

Rudy Giuliani, GOP Continue Spouting War On Terror Lies

2010-01-08T23:00:00.004-06:00

Former New York Mayor / Failed Presidential Candidate Rudy Giuliani parroted a viewpoint of uneducated Bush-whore Dana Perino that there were no terror attacks against the United States under George W. Bush’s watch.

Check out the laundry list of terror attacks on Bush’s watch courtesy tonight’s Countdown with Lawrence O’Donnell subbing for Keith Olbermann:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Seriously, it’s amazing how stupid these people are. Do they ever consider checking their facts before they open their mouth? I mean, even Wikipedia is more accurate than these idiots. Perino, I understand. She had that deer-in-headlights dumb-blonde look when she was working for the White House. You would think Giuliani would know better, but then again, he’s in his 14th minute of reminding people he was mayor during 9-11.

How close was Chicago to being a one newspaper city? Stunningly

2010-01-07T15:30:00.000-06:00

James Tyree acquired The Sun-Times Media Group on October 26, 2009 and rescued the paper from bankruptcy liquidation thanks to all the newspaper group unions making a ton of concessions. In the back-and-forth of stories and online comments from STMG union members and management, many suggested that Tyree didn’t NEED the concessions and would probably continue with the sale even if 100% of the unions were not on board. Tyree never blinked, and fortunately the unions ended up saving Chicago’s 2nd daily newspaper by accepting tough concessions that included wage freezes, benefit cuts and a pension freeze. It could not have been something easy to swallow, but I’m sure everyone felt it was better than unemployment.

As a life-long subscriber to the Sun-Times, I will admit that I was very worried we would lose the paper. I fully expected some unions to call what they thought was a bluff, then find out the hard way it wasn’t. I am grateful they came to the correct decision, especially when (in my opinion) I received proof that it was never a bluff.

The proof was the renewal notice I got from the Sun-Times on November 3, 2009, postmarked October 29, 2009. The notice was dated October 22, 2009 – the day before my subscription expired! I theorize that the subscription department held processing some renewal notices until AFTER all unions approved the deal. At least, that’s what it looked like on its face to me because I never before got a renewal notice from the ST after my subscription expired...and this one came 12 days after!

I happily renewed for another 8 weeks.

On Dec 9, 2009 I got the next renewal notice, postmarked December 2, 2009 and dated November 25, 2009. I received this notice a full 9 days before my subscription expired on December 18.

Back to normal.

Brit Hume Proselytizes, Clueless His Credibility Tank Is Nearly Empty

2010-01-06T18:00:00.002-06:00

Poor Brit Hume. Once thought to be a respectable journalist whose credibility could not be questioned. Now regarded as just another pathetic Fox News conservative wing-nut with zero journalistic credibility. Sad Brit felt hurt by the criticism he received after he declared on the air, during one of Fox’s alleged newscasts, that Christianity was the one true religion and that Tiger Woods should follow the teachings of Jesus Christ.

From last night’s Daily Show:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

The Temple of Hume

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Health Care Crisis

Seeing Brit unsure about why anyone would object to his pissing on all other religions in the world was perhaps the saddest of all. It was like watching an elderly man trying to navigate the food court by himself at Disneyworld. Befuddled, we can only feel sorry for this shell of a journalist, and await the time when his family convinces him that it is time to retire.

It's sad to see Brit Hume as confused as his Fox News equal, Gretchen Carlson.

Sad, indeed!

Green = go, Red = stop, Yellow = Slam On The Brakes!!!!!

2010-01-06T17:10:00.000-06:00

I was driving to my eye doctor last night when I nearly got into an accident thanks to the City of Chicago.

I was going westbound on Irving Park Rd at about 7:20, approaching Central Ave. Irving is a 2-lane street that is generally pretty quick. The car about 2 car lengths in front of me was a faded old Cadillac. That driver decided that when the light turned yellow, he should just hit the brakes rather than continue into the intersection. I say continue because despite my distance behind him, I knew I would make it through the intersection with no problem. Meanwhile, he decided to brake. I slammed on mine and stopped a good 8 feet behind him (thank you Toyota Prius!), while this guy was 100% into the intersection! He then starts to back up so that traffic can pass on central...he still ended up with 1/2 his car on the other side of the crosswalk. Jag.

Irving & Central is a Red light camera intersection with no warning signs.

Why no warning signs?
Silly! It’s because the City of Chicago has red light cameras so they can make money catching people running red lights and making turns on red.
It’s not a safety issue, it’s a revenue issue!
If it were safety, the signs would have been posted and the numbnuts in front of me who slammed on his brakes when he saw the cameras too late would not have had to do that.

REPUBLICAN HYPOCRITE: Rep. Dan Burton (R-IN)

2010-01-05T17:30:00.004-06:00

Evidence thanks to last night’s Daily Show with Jon Stewart (7:00 into the video):

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Terror 2.0 by Yemen

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Health Care Crisis

To sum up:
Rep. Peter King (R-NY) is amazed at President Obama’s silence about this issue.
Rep. Peter Hoekstra (R-MI) & Rep. Dan Burton (R-IN) are upset that we’re not CALLING the guy a terrorist.
Republican douche Karl Rove is upset it took president Obama 72 hours to address the underwear bomber issue (6:18) despite the fact it took his old boss George W. Bush 6 days to speak about the shoe bomber.

They all think President Obama and the Democrats are “weak on terror” despite no evidence to prove such a thing.

Burton is then disgraced by video of himself from May 13, 2003 by suggesting that any Senator or Congressman attacking the President for not doing enough against terrorism is a terrible error. This, of course, was part of the Republican "if you criticize the President, you are anti-American" stance during the Bush administration.

You go, Rep. Dan Burton (R-IN) of 2003...tell that idiot Rep. Dan Burton (R-IN) of 2010 that it’s a terrible error to be suggesting such a thing!

NFL Schedule Makers = FAIL

2010-01-04T12:01:00.005-06:00

While watching Week 17 games of the NFL season, I couldn't help but wonder why Seattle was playing Tennessee and why Washington was playing San Diego in the last week of the season.

Of the major team sports, the NFL is in the unique position of having an even number of teams in each of its divisions.
So...why the hell don’t the NFL schedule makers slot the last week as a week of divisional games?
Or how about the last 3 weeks as divisional games?

Here’s what we got for week 17:
2 Interconference games
6 Non-Divisional AFC games
2 Non-Divisional NFC games
1 Divisional AFC game
5 Divisional NFC games

Here’s what we should have seen:
8 Divisional AFC games
8 Divisional NFC games

I just don’t get it…16 games per year with each team playing 6 games within their division. A logical schedule might look something like this:

Week 1-2 Non-Divisional games
Week 3-6 Divisional games
Week 7-14 Non-Divisional games
Week 15-17 Divisional games

The current bye weeks run for 7 weeks from week 4-10 so it would be easy to do the bye weeks from week 7-13. Meanwhile, divisional rivalries would be amped up and would hold more meaning stacked at the start and especially end of the season.
Divisional races would come down to the final weeks…I’m thinking that would be a very good thing.
Why doesn’t the NFL?

Blogging in 2010

2010-01-01T15:00:00.000-06:00

I started off okay with this blog, then pretty much dropped out of sight.
Thing is...I was blogging all the time, except that it was mostly ideas and thoughts in my mind. Unfortunately, Google hasn't come up with a tool to convert thought into text. Maybe sometime this decade.

The other issue is the issue of audience. The average blog has 1 follower, and as I write this, that's the case for me (hi Marisa!). What's the point of writing to one or less people? Well, it took me 2 years to get an audience for the Chicago Media Examiner, and when that site ended I had a pretty decent readership. I have plenty of ideas and a resolve to write a lot more in 2010, so starting Monday, expect daily updates (M-F) and hopefully I can build a decent readership.

FB Status Updates - December 2009

2009-12-31T23:00:00.006-06:00

John Kuczaj New year's resolution: I will no longer intentionally run minivans with "My child is a Honors Student" bumper stickers off the road. I will spray the vehicle with gunfire instead.
December 31, 2009 at 9:44pm

John Kuczaj is spending NYE afternoon in the recording studio. Sweet!
December 31, 2009 at 3:28pm

John Kuczaj is ringing in the New Year with the traditional Twilight Zone marathon on the SciFi Channel
December 31, 2009 at 11:32am

John Kuczaj New year's resolution: I will no longer unrinate on Chicago parking meter pay boxes in protest. Completely unrelated: does anyone know where Sis Daley is buried? I want to "pay my respects".
December 30, 2009 at 7:44pm

John Kuczaj New year's resolution: I will stop calling Hardware Stores and Home Centers asking if they have chainsaws that cut through human bone without jamming.
December 30, 2009 at 3:38pm

John Kuczaj New year's resolution: I will no longer create crop circles in people's lawns when the grass seems too tall.
December 30, 2009 at 1:27pm

John Kuczaj New year's resolution: I will no longer force myself to vomit up my food every time I eat at a fast food place. Or at the very least, I will stop doing it at the cash registers.
December 29, 2009 at 1:06pm

John Kuczaj New year's resolution: I will no longer be organizing and promoting Cock Fights. Apparently they are supposed to involve poultry fighting and I was reading something else into the name. Whatever. Not sure what I'm gonna do with all this body oil now...
December 29, 2009 at 9:56am

John Kuczaj New year's resolution: More Fever, Less Nessman
December 28, 2009 at 2:22pm

John Kuczaj ...back to the grindstone. Which is odd, since I don't remember there being a grindstone in my cubicle before today...
December 28, 2009 at 9:44am

John Kuczaj hears that Antti Niemi's nephews and nieces call him "Uncle Antti".
December 27, 2009 at 8:35pm

John Kuczaj is still freaked out after all these years by the Bing Crosby-David Bowie video of Little Drummer Boy. There's just something odd there. Pretty sure the result of their union was Willem Dafoe...
December 25, 2009 at 10:09am

John Kuczaj thinks the end of Return of the Jedi would have been better had the Death Star explosion ignited all the Ewoks on Endor
December 25, 2009 at 2:01am

John Kuczaj would like to remind everyone that NORAD tracks airborne objects that are subsequently shot down and destroyed.
December 25, 2009 at 12:09am

John Kuczaj tonight told all the young kids the story of Santa Claus battling Jesus to the death at the first Christmas.
December 24, 2009 at 11:13pm

John Kuczaj is warning children to beware of Satan Claws, who kills little children in their sleep on Christmas Eve unless they stay up all night drinking black coffee. Yeah, I'm evil now.
December 24, 2009 at 9:30pm

John Kuczaj wants to get a group together for some Christmas Eve wilding in the park. Who's in?
December 24, 2009 at 6:56pm

John Kuczaj is heading out to the dollar store to start his Christmas shopping.
December 24, 2009 at 2:56pm

John Kuczaj is having trouble wrapping Christmas gifts today. Maybe should have gone with "Boxes of Poo" instead of "Bags of Poo".
December 24, 2009 at 11:39am

John Kuczaj thinks a moment of silence is in order for the thousands of innocent people murdered when war criminal Luke Skywalker destroyed the unfortunately-named "Death Star" Space Station and Vacation Resort.
December 24, 2009 at 11:02am

John Kuczaj Martin Brodeur recently became #1 goalie in career games and also shutouts. When asked if Brodeur is the best goalie ever, Patrick Roy said "I can't hear you, I have my 4 Stanley Cup rings in my ears."
December 22, 2009 at 9:33am

John Kuczaj doesn't understand all this talk about James Cameron's "Abattoir"
December 21, 2009 at 4:56pm

John Kuczaj is wondering if Antti Niemi has brothers named Unccle and Prro.
December 18, 2009 at 9:36pm

John Kuczaj Is watching a 21-year-old episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, which originally aired 21 years after the original Star Trek series began. I became a fan 29 years ago. Damn...
December 15, 2009 at 9:11pm

John Kuczaj has got this friend named Joey Joe-Joe Junior Shabadoo..
December 15, 2009 at 8:32pm

John Kuczaj congratulates the winners in the "Give Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley a New Nickname for 2010" contest - #3: Mayor Donkey Scrotum #2: Mayor Smegma Smile #1: Mayor CaCa PooPoo PeePee Pants
December 15, 2009 at 3:57pm

John Kuczaj sees that pop group ABBA is a 2010 inductee into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame. KISS did not make the cut. Never nominated: Rush, Yes, Alice Cooper, Judas Priest. Pop singer Madonna has been inducted. Since it's inception, I say to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame: MEGA-FAIL!!!
December 15, 2009 at 12:07pm

John Kuczaj has always liked the old-timey abbreviation of "Geo." for George, but never really liked "Jos." for Joseph.
December 14, 2009 at 10:08am

John Kuczaj wonders if, now that Cubs blogger Carrie Muskat has revealed that Jim Hendry will be driving I65 back from Indianapolis today, any disgruntled Cubs fans will track him down and attack his car in a Mad Max-esque orgy of death and violence. Just wondering.
December 10, 2009 at 3:15pm

John Kuczaj Repeatedly on Fox News Chicago this morning: Video of a guy mowing his snow-covered lawn yesterday...I think he lives in Wisconsin. Also: A man who has no heat in his house. Sure, he stopped paying his gas bill in October AND he refuses to stay with relatives when it's cold, but I'm sure it's someone else's fault. Idiot. WHEN will morning shows get real and start putting quote marks around the word "news"?
December 10, 2009 at 9:50am

John Kuczaj StormZilla never happened, now the Chicago weather cartel is scaring us about how "bitterly cold" it is. I am shocked...winter in Chicago is usually balmy. It's so cold, the mayor can continue his TIF scam while the media goes outside and asks people if it's cold enough for them.
December 10, 2009 at 6:59am

John Kuczaj was dumped via email last night at the exact time he took the stage at the Acoustic Explosion. I guess it's not a usual Christmas season without a sleigh full of heartache.
December 8, 2009 at 7:51am

John Kuczaj feels like he's underneath a Dave Matthews Band tour bus. This is not going to be a fun day.
December 7, 2009 at 9:20am

John Kuczaj took the Prius in for 30,000 mile maintenance. Found a few walnuts under the hood. Didn't know the neighborhood squirrels were going green!
December 4, 2009 at 2:25pm

John Kuczaj found a great new secret fishing spot near Lockport today...a huge amount of fish just lounging around near the surface...I scooped up a couple dozen without a fight! Fish Fry at my place tonight! Woo-hoo!
December 3, 2009 at 1:03pm

John Kuczaj sees that the tearing down of Tiger Woods by perfect people in the media begins, while substantial news is ignored. All in the mainstream media still wondering why fewer people buy newspapers and watch TV news are all invited to fornicate with themselves.
December 3, 2009 at 9:44am

John Kuczaj congratulates Sarah Palin for selling 1 Million books. Only 9 million more and she'll top another book about going rogue - Mein Kampf
December 1, 2009 at 7:44am

FB Status Updates - November 2009

2009-11-30T23:04:00.005-06:00

John Kuczaj was quickly turned down in his interview to be the new head football coach at Notre Dame when I suggested the team nickname be changed to something more fearsome - The Fighting Satans.
November 30 at 2:00pm

John Kuczaj hopes former Oregon Duck QB Dennis Dixon can lead the Steelers over the Ravens. Hopefully Baltimore's Ray Lewis won't stab anyone to death tonight and be found not guilty...I'm just sayin'
November 29 at 7:22pm

John Kuczaj is getting ready for some NFL RedZone action! All the excitement...No commercials!
November 29 at 11:54am

John Kuczaj is thinking, it's 10:15...time to go to the stores and buy all those door-buster deals. I KNOW they won't be sold out by now!
November 27 at 10:19am

John Kuczaj 's family is napping after a big Thanksgiving dinner. Was it the tryptophan or was it because I roofied the wine?
November 26 at 4:11pm

John Kuczaj put on his Thanksgiving speedo and "gobble gobble" belly shirt so now he's ready for some eating!
November 26 at 12:55pm

John Kuczaj wishes everyone a Happy Thanksgiving and reminds all that on Friday at 2pm on Versus, its Locomotives vs. Tuskers in the UFL Championship Gam...Bwaaaa-ha-ha-ha! I almost got through it without laughing...anyhoo, happy turkey day folks!
November 25 at 5:53pm

John Kuczaj realizes it's not the years, it's the miles...
November 25 at 10:56am

John Kuczaj can't help thinking that Adam Lambert is a huge Pujols fan
November 24 at 10:05pm

John Kuczaj is surprised that you don't hear about people being crushed by falling pianos much anymore...November 24 at 5:41pm

John Kuczaj is pretty sure he was born to be a drummer...and a Starship Captain.
November 24 at 9:45am

John Kuczaj wishes he took Spanish in high school. French!?! what the hell was I thinking?
November 23 at 8:50pm

John Kuczaj is listed as day-to-day, but then again...aren't we all?
November 23 at 9:55am

John Kuczaj is looking forward to the short week. Also dead Turkey flesh and a cranberry-flavored gelatin substance shaped like a tin can.
November 22 at 8:46pm

John Kuczaj is watching NFL RedZone channel all day today because Channel 2 opted to not show Steelers-Chiefs. Okay...I opt not to watch your local commercials. :p
November 22 at 12:45pm

John Kuczaj thoroughly enjoyed the remake of The Prisoner. Not as good as the original, but a very worthy follow-up. Despite what some critics may say, ALL questions were answered in the final hour...if you were paying attention. Be seeing you!
November 19 at 5:43pm

John Kuczaj thinks the laziest thing a journalist can do is ask someone their opinion of what someone else said. Fire that horrible reporter!
November 19 at 9:22am

John Kuczaj is being blackmailed. And this time no pictures or video is involved. Wonderful.
November 17 at 1:50pm

John Kuczaj is a little shocked they dubbed in a new line at the end of Saving Private Ryan: "Did I live a good life? Am I A Good Man?" ... "Of Course, you are a much better man than that tool Ben Affleck!"
November 14 at 10:38pm

John Kuczaj is watching Saving Private Ryan. Must be Spielberg's digitally updated version because Indiana Jones single-handedly wiped out a German Battalion but didn't fire first.
November 14 at 8:39pm

John Kuczaj thinks the phosphorescent wave on a tropical sea is a cold fire. The pattern of moonlight on the bedroom floor is a cold fire. The flame at the heart of a pawnbroker’s diamond is a cold fire. The look in your eyes as you head for the door is a cold fire.
November 13 at 6:40pm

John Kuczaj is...don't laugh...working on...I mean it, don't laugh!...a Winger song for his repertoire. The only good Winger song, and one of my all-time faves. I SAID DON'T LAUGH!!!!!!
November 13 at 10:15am

John Kuczaj sees you there...little eye floater...why to you hide in my peripheral vision? Why do you float away when I adjust my focus on you? What secrets do you hold, little eye floater?
November 12 at 5:46pm

John Kuczaj thinks it would be hilarious if a show with Rick Sanchez or Jane Velez-Mitchell replaced Lou Dobbs Tonight on CNN
November 12 at 10:01am

John Kuczaj sez: ah ahh yes to yes to ahh ahh ahhh to yes...why the sun...why the sun.
November 12 at 8:43am

John Kuczaj just watched the board of his condo building call a motion that they all be re-elected, which was seconded by a board member. THIS is definitely politics in Chicago...
November 10 at 7:38pm

John Kuczaj is dreading the annual Condo Association meeting tonight, anticipating a dangerous rise in his blood pressure from 7-8pm...
November 10 at 10:34am

John Kuczaj did something bad tonight....grocery shopping while hungry. Wanted to spend $30....ended up spending $90. Stupid...
November 8 at 6:53pm

John Kuczaj is pretty sure the Bears are who we thought they were...mediocre.
November 8 at 1:08pm

John Kuczaj has said it once, and will say it again: Mr. Submarine has better tasting bread, cheese & meat than Subway
November 7 at 12:14pm

John Kuczaj congratulates former Chicago Bears fullback Matt Suhey for being named MVP of the World Series!
November 5 at 1:24pm

John Kuczaj still feels strange de-friending someone, but a guy's gotta have his standards...
November 4 at 12:20pm

John became a fan of Not Playing Farmville

John Kuczaj So...NYC re-elected a dishonest jerk, we have our own corrupt, dishonest jerk mayor, the self-styled reformer who was handed the IL Gov job looks to be as much a dishonest jerk as the rest of them. How many times do we have to say it...DEMOCRACY...DOESN'T...WORK!
November 4 at 10:11am

John Kuczaj 's property tax bill on his condo went up 54%. Thank you Richard M. Daley and Michael Madigan. Please die.
November 2 at 9:17am

John Kuczaj cannot believe how much I enjoy watching Pawn Stars on The History Channel...great show
November 1 at 11:34pm

John Kuczaj is not sure what to say about Joba and Posada tongue kissing in the dugout...
November 1 at 10:44pm

John Kuczaj has a tummy ache from all the candy I stole from kids last night
November 1 at 2:27am

FB Status Updates - October 2009

2009-10-31T22:01:00.003-05:00

John Kuczaj FINALLY! The one night of the year where strangers don't IMMEDIATELY run when I come at them with my razor-sharp stainless steel butcher knife. Best to dispense with all that running and screaming, I'm getting too old for that...
October 31 at 10:34am

John Kuczaj feels lost without his mighty uru hammer...
October 30 at 8:23pm

John Kuczaj sez: yes, I am the popular social networking site known as "Book Face"
October 30 at 12:57pm

John Kuczaj has made the decision for tomorrow: Boys get Hershey bars, Girls get SweetTarts, Girls over 18 and hottie Moms get my dick in a box.
October 30 at 9:53am

John Kuczaj is disappointed in Game 2 of the World Series. He was rooting for A-Rod to blow out both his knees walking back to the dugout after his usual strike out. Let's hope it happens in Philly! Wooo!
October 29 at 11:35pm

John Kuczaj is giving out H1N1 vaccinations to Trick-Or-Treaters on Saturday. Let them decide if it's a trick or a treat!
October 29 at 5:31pm

John Kuczaj is getting the razor-apples for Saturday ready tonight.
October 29 at 11:49am

John Kuczaj thinks his Alpha Bits are sending him a message.....it's "OOOOOOOOOO"....
October 29 at 10:08am
Comment • Those are cheerios.
John Kuczaj Oh yeah, those ARE Cheerios...

John Kuczaj 's inside voice keeps repeating - "kill...kill...kill"
October 29 at 8:38am

John Kuczaj is amused by a mayor who raids the tax rolls for TIF funds has the stones to try to blame the tax assessor...
October 28 at 5:31pm

John Kuczaj is not having success convincing the H1N1 Swine Flu folks that I'm pregnant. Seriously...has everyone forgotten about the movie "Junior"?
October 27 at 11:46am

John Kuczaj is so tired this morning, he isn't sure if he is dreaming about this facebook update or not...
October 27 at 7:58am

John Kuczaj so...Mr. Lovie Smith...would you like fresh pepper with your shredded D?
October 25 at 5:28pm

John Kuczaj can't wait for Chicago's gun ownership law to be struck down...there are just SOOOOO many people I want to blow away!
October 23 at 2:41pm

The Drew Peterson Case: It's A Classic Thing

2009-10-27T14:59:00.004-05:00

A story is reported today that Drew Peterson is suing JP Morgan Chase for suspending his home equity line of credit citing "imprisonment".

Peterson is currently being held on a $20 million bond in Will County on charges that he killed his third wife, Kathleen Savio, in 2004. Peterson’s fourth wife, Stacy Peterson, has been missing since October 2007.

What caught my eye?
The fact that...yes...duh...he is technically imprisoned?
Nah.

The fact that he receives an astounding $6,067.71 monthly from his Bolingbrook police pension and $2,758 monthly from Social Security?
Nah.

It was what Walter Maksym, who is representing Peterson in the suit, allegedly said:

Maksym said using your home’s equity as bond is part of the reason to have a home equity credit line.
“Remember ‘Goodfellas’ when Lorraine Bracco puts up her mother’s house for Ray Liotta?” he said. “It’s a classic thing.”

I love it when morons cite movies or TV shows as if they are historical facts.

My response:
"Remember 'The Shield' when Michael Chiklis is a cop who kills people and covers it up? It's a classic thing."

DUH: Microsoft Shocked About Family Guy

2009-10-27T13:10:00.002-05:00

Microsoft Shocked 'Family Guy' Humor Includes Incest, Holocaust Jokes
Company Pulls Out of Seth MacFarlane Deal After Discovering 'Content Not a Fit'

NEW YORK (AdAge.com) -- Turns out Seth MacFarlane isn't PC enough to be a PC. Microsoft was set to sponsor a prime time special by the "Family Guy" creator as part of its Windows 7 media blitz, but was somehow surprised when the typically MacFarlane-esque fare didn't exactly "fit with the Windows brand."

Variety reports that three days after crowing about its new Seth MacFarlane deal to the world, it pulled the plug after getting a look at the content, which included "riffs on deaf people, the Holocaust, feminine hygiene and incest," the company pulled out of the project.

"We initially chose to participate in the Seth and Alex ariety show based on the audience composition and creative humor of 'Family Guy,' but after reviewing an early version of the variety show it became clear that the content was not a fit with the Windows brand," a Microsoft spokesperson said in an e-mail statement. "We continue to have a good partnership with Fox, Seth MacFarlane and Alex Borstein and are working with them in other areas. We continue to believe in the value of brand integrations and partnerships between rands, media companies and talent."

Related Headlines:
Microsoft Shocked Majority of Windows 7 Users Creating Libraries For Porn
Microsoft Shocked "Google Searches" Include Links To Anti-Microsoft Websites
Microsoft Shocked Consumers Desire Non-Crashing Operating Systems

Mark McGwire Named Cardinals Hitting Coach

2009-10-27T13:00:00.003-05:00

Spring Training, 2010.
A St. Louis Cardinal prospect discusses hitting with Cardinal hitting coach, Mark McGwire:

PROSPECT
Hi Mark! I'm very excited to be working with you. I think there's something wrong with my swing, maybe you can help me return to my 2008 form?

MCGWIRE
I am not here to talk about the past. I am here to make a positive influence on this.

PROSPECT
Um..okay, well you see...OUCH! Did you just inject me with something?

MCGWIRE
I am not here to talk about the past. Even what happened ten seconds ago.

PROSPECT
What did you just do to me? What's in that syringe?

MCGWIRE
My lawyers have advised me that I cannot answer these questions without jeopardizing my friends, my family and myself.

PROSPECT
Jesus! My arm is burning. Was that steroids?

MCGWIRE
There has been a problem with steroid abuse in baseball and I am willing to combat the use in baseball.

PROSPECT
How? By hiding all the steroids in my body? Hey! what are those tweezers for?

MCGWIRE
They are for me, I have to urinate.

Moron Parents Blame Everyone But Themselves

2009-10-26T20:00:00.001-05:00

I guess some parents of Fenger High School students are organizing a two-day boycott of the school to protest continued fighting among the students there. The parents believe something should be done.

I have an idea...how about protesting the parents of the violent kids who go to the school? You know...hold the people accountable who really ARE accountable. You know who the violent kids are...why aren't you confronting their parents who are obviously horrible at raising kids? Seriously...instead of keeping your socially-promoted children away from an eduction, how about going to the root of the problem: BAD PARENTS.

Another thing...how about calling the parents of the violent kids out? Make the names public. Shame them into taking some kind of action and imposing some discipline on their bad seed kids?

Naw...too easy!

Dick Columnist Raises Dick Son

2009-10-21T12:05:00.004-05:00

From Neil Steinberg's column today...

...that fabulous five-week, 7,000-mile journey with the boys through 13 states and nine national parks. An unbroken chain of golden moments, an unmitigated triumph that no one can take away...
Umm, not quite.
There is some late dissent I feel obligated to share. I hold in my hand my 12-year-old son's language arts assignment. A personal essay.
To his credit, he did ask beforehand if it was OK to write about. Confident, I gave my consent
with a kingly wave of the hand.
I was smug, until the moment I read the resulting paper's title, "Bad memories of a great vacation."
Bad memories? How can that be?
"As all great vacations have to start somewhere," the 10-page paper begins, "ours started with Spam."
To him, Minnesota's Spam Museum was not the font of wonder that I described here. "The start of our
vacation couldn't be duller," my son wrote.
Boring is preferred to "horrible," which came when we tried to camp overnight in Yellowstone.

No doubt...that boy IS his father's son!

Wow! Shocking News!

2009-10-15T11:59:00.001-05:00

`80s pop sensation a-ha to call it quits

OSLO – Norwegian pop band a-ha says it plans to call it quits at the end of 2010.

A statement on the Norwegian trio's Web site Thursday announced the move, which comes after a 27-year career interrupted by a seven-year hiatus in the mid-1990s.

The band became an international sensation in the mid-1980s following the release of its 1985 debut album, which included the hit "Take On Me." Although the group went on to release eight more albums, a-ha remains best-known for that song.

Thursday's statement says that band members want to follow other pursuits, "be it humanitarian work, politics, or ... new constellations in the field of art and music."

The band plans to arrange a world tour in 2010, playing its final concert in Oslo on December 4.

I can't believe that Aha was still performing all this time!

Shocking News!

Clueless Activist makes Incoherent Statement

2009-10-13T18:20:00.004-05:00

Today Jesse Jackson rode a school bus with students going to Fenger High School today.

He said his immediate aim was to ensure students’ safe passage to the school, where tensions between students from the Altgeld Gardens public housing complex and those from the neighborhood immediately surrounding Fenger were blamed for sparking the violence that led to the Sept. 24 fatal beating of 16-year-old Derrion Albert.

Um...okay, douchebag...for one thing, the beating took place among students walking home from school. Busing had nothing to do with it. So, another thing is that bused in students appear to be the most safe, so shouldn't you have been walking out in the open with students from the neighborhood around Fenger? Or are you just too chickenshit to do that?

Two Complete Morons Whine About Joblessness

2009-10-13T12:43:00.006-05:00

Oh...my...GOD...!

Read this New York Times article: FOR TWINS IN NEW YORK, A LONG STRUGGLE IN A TOUGH JOB MARKET then come back here.

When I was going to Columbia College 1987-1992, I ran into a ton of similarly delusional people who felt that once they graduated, they would have no problem getting a job working in TV / Radio / newspaper in Chicago, the #3 media market in the United States.

Idiots.

I loved hearing that from classmates because it just meant less competition for me. The traditional route to making it in media is to start out small and work your way up. Sure, I inquired about jobs in Chicago but many were of the dead-end variety and I knew I needed to get some seasoning under me. My first job was in Albuquerque, New Mexico DMA #48 (back then) . Five years later, I was back in Chicago.

So, the story of twin journalism majors from Ohio who are so dumb they thought it would be better to move to the largest media market to seek out their first jobs in media makes me sad that Ohio schools are just not doing a better job educating people on reality.

SEVENTEEN months out of Rutgers University, they live in an unwelcome continuum of mass rejection. Between them, Kristy and Katie Barry, identical twins who grew up in Ohio, have applied for some 150 jobs...
...The twins began at Marietta College in Ohio, then transferred as juniors to Rutgers’s campus in Newark. They graduated in May 2008 with journalism degrees, internships under their belt and student loans totaling $39,000 apiece.

It takes Doctors and Lawyers years to pay off 6-figure student loans.

Morons.

Stunning News: 1 in 5 Cab Drivers Attacked

2009-10-07T23:00:00.004-05:00

Today's story from the Sun-Times' Mary Wisniewski was a definite shocker:

Driving a cab is a dangerous job. A new survey from the University of Illinois at Chicago, to be released today, found that one in five Chicago cabdrivers has been physically attacked on the job.
Of those who were attacked, 44 percent said the assault was accompanied by hostile remarks about their race, ethnicity, religion and/or apparent country of origin.

I think everyone is shocked to hear that ONLY 20% of cab drivers have been physically attacked on the job. Considering how rude, inconsiderate, aggressive and odorous a vast majority of Chicago cab drivers are, not to mention how horrible they drive - breaking multiple traffic laws per hour; I would have expected a full 50% have been physically assaulted.

That said, I feel bad for cabbies...especially the 1% that don't deserve to be physically assaulted.

...on the other hand, one of those assholes cut me off in traffic yesterday, so fuck him!!!!...I hope someone breaks his frigging clavicle!!!!!

Horrible Manager with no Educational Training In Charge of Chicago Public Schools

2009-10-02T10:27:00.005-05:00

So much for Mayor Daley's claim that "Good Managers" are better in certain positions than anyone with any shed of experience in that profession. Ron Huberman has been such a "good manager" that he was able to run Office of Emergency Management despite having no emergency experience, then he ran the CTA despite having no transit experience and then Daley decided he could run the Chicago Public Schools despite no educational experience.

Ha!

From Fran Spielman in today's Chicago Sun-Times:

Chicago schools chief Ron Huberman -- Mayor Daley's former corruption-fighting chief of staff -- is being accused of a "significant management failure" that set the stage for alleged contract irregularities at the city's 911 center that cost taxpayers $2.25 million.

In an explosive new report, the city inspector general's office characterizes Huberman as so derelict in the oversight of a contract with Motorola while he was executive director of the Office of Emergency Management and Communications that he should be suspended if he still worked for the city.

Adrienne Hiegel, Huberman's top deputy at OEMC in 2005, was accused of "altering documents" and failing to follow the city's procurement procedures.

If Hiegel still worked for the city -- instead of as a Huberman underling at the Board of Education -- she should be fired, the 38-page report states.

Sounds like a very CRAPPY manager...and top deputy.

...and the City of Chicago corruption tax is raised!

Kim Kardashian, C** Catcher

2009-10-01T23:37:00.004-05:00

I watched David Letterman tonight and decided to watch the last segment with Kim Kardashian because, well, she's totally hot and I would do her. Then I realized that this was the first time I'd ever seen her have a conversation with someone - the DVD I have of her doesn't have much conversation in it.

She's a complete moron. Wow.

I really would have thought that a lawyer like Robert Kardashian would have educated his children. Sadly, no. All he did was give a couple of them stupid first names. I had heard someone else say that the Kardashians were vapid, mindless sluts...and listening to Kim confirmed it.

It appears that her only worth is that of a vessel in which men make frequent deposits.

FB Status Updates - September 2009

2009-09-30T22:00:00.002-05:00

John Kuczaj is thinking of writing a song called "Same Story, Different Woman".
September 30 at 3:55pm

John Kuczaj thinks when cab drivers honk their horns because traffic isn't moving as quickly as they'd like, it should be legal for people to punch them in the face with a gloved hand encased in concrete.
September 30 at 1:28pm

John Kuczaj despises the smokers who moved UP wind so they wouldn't bother the rest of us at the bus stop. Thanks a bunch dill weeds. Oxygen isn't too important to me...
September 30 at 9:34am

John Kuczaj thought it was interesting that on Good Day Chicago Jan Jeffcoat asked Dr. Oz today if sex once a week was enough. He suggested at least twice, maybe more for good health. She repeated "Okay, two times a week". Looks like her hubby is getting lucky no more than twice a week thanks to the good Dr. Oz!
September 29 at 1:41pm

John Kuczaj needs to run Disk Defragmenter on his life
September 29 at 10:28am

John Kuczaj is running CHKDSK in read-only mode
September 29 at 9:37am

John Kuczaj is wondering what the male equivalent of a Cougar is.
September 28 at 12:51pm

John Kuczaj is thinking of a Cowboy Mouth lyric he heard this morning: "I have got to take the best of me and keep that part alive. Why'd I ever want to shut that down and kill my soul?" Hm.
September 28 at 9:18am

John Kuczaj is stunned that CBS and Fox are allowing the NFL to create the commercial-free NFL RedZone channel. WHY would I watch an out of market game now?
September 27 at 2:10pm

John Kuczaj has had enough. Someone just shoot me in the head already and be done with it.
September 26 at 9:48pm

John Kuczaj Is glad that his subscription to the Chicago Sun-Times expires Oct 15, one week after the paper shuts down and assets are auctioned off. I can live with not getting a refund from one week's payment. I will, however, mourn the passing of a life-long friend.
September 25 at 9:48am

John Kuczaj 's girl cat "Babe" looks very healthy but is still having health issues. Now it is anemia. More tests, more drugs, more money. There is no alternative though...I love her and will do anything to make her better.
September 24 at 7:04pm

John Kuczaj used up all the extra sleep from earlier in the week...back to being sleep deprived.
September 24 at 9:11am

John Kuczaj KILLED with Kiss The Girl tonite. Three girls were swooning. No one swooned during Ride My Junk but bartender gave me free beer. WOO!!!
September 23 at 11:49pm

John Kuczaj listening to a bad rendition of hit me baby one more time...
September 23 at 11:21pm

John Kuczaj is trying to decide if he should perform again this year, or take a break with that whole music playin thang.
September 23 at 1:44pm

John Kuczaj is getting way too much sleep this week.
September 23 at 12:56am

John Kuczaj loved the season premiere of House last night, especially the performance of the great Andre Braugher....get that guy a series of his own!!!
September 22 at 6:48am

John Kuczaj is happy the Bears won, but bummed the Steelers lost.
September 20 at 9:18pm

John Kuczaj Accidentally tuned into the Emmys...lead actress gag was hilarious with all the nominees having different types of eyewear, except Vanessa Williams who as usual played the bitch very well. Good idea Amy Pohler.
September 20 at 7:19pm

John Kuczaj had a wonderful lunch date. :)
September 20 at 2:40pm

John Kuczaj is trying out a new thing called "Blogging". It's a Swedish word for "internet venom". Apparently all the kids are doing it. This may not last long, but what the hey. http://www.stuffleakingfrommybrain.com/
September 18 at 4:36pm

John Kuczaj is nauseous from sitting next to a guy on the bus who reeked of pot. Part of me wishes I threw up on him...the hilarious part of me.
September 18 at 9:49am

John Kuczaj thinks the Cubs should make free-agent-to-be Rich Harden pitch complete games for the rest of the season...just to see if his arm flies off.
September 17 at 3:48pm

John Kuczaj is worried that the Chicago Sun-Times will cease to exist soon, then I will have no Chicago newspaper to read.
September 16 at 8:21am

John Kuczaj is impressed with how many jagoffs are on the New York Yankees. Good collection of douches, for sure.
September 15 at 9:28pm

John Kuczaj thinks if you take the brains (Urlacher) out of the Bears defense you get...the Raiders...
September 14 at 11:34am

John Kuczaj sez: welcome to the Bears Jay...do you have Brandon Marshall's phone number on you?
September 13 at 11:07pm

John Kuczaj is wondering who the hell Cutler is throwing to. WHITE jerseys, Jay! WHITE!
September 13 at 7:56pm

John Kuczaj Oh, fun. A month after TiVo dies, my other DVR dies.
September 12 at 1:31pm

John Kuczaj Congratulates Derek Jeter on passing Lou Gehrig in all-time hits on the NY Yankees. Next up for Jeter: contracting a newly-discovered terminal disease named after you. Good luck Derek!
September 12 at 9:52am

John Kuczaj Well, let's face it...we had 8 years of a President lying to us every time he opened his mouth, so anyone can expect that that is exactly what a President does.
September 10 at 3:28pm

John Kuczaj is chuckling over Republican ineptness.
September 10 at 12:37pm

John Kuczaj wonders why no one reported on the massacre after the Oprahpalooza yesterday when the Gort robots went on a killing spree.
September 9 at 11:50am

John Kuczaj is pretty sure that if he had a hot rod monster truck with a snowplow attachment and a 1-block head start, he could make it all the way to Oprah's stage before the truck was slowed down by mangled body parts stuck in the axels.
September 8 at 4:36pm

John Kuczaj is pretty sure he saw Oprah and Gayle King making out next to the porta-potties.
September 8 at 3:48pm

John Kuczaj made $250 scalping Oprah tickets on Michigan & Ohio.
September 8 at 2:00pm

John Kuczaj will be carrying a running chain saw tomorrow so he can get thru the Oprah worshipers in the morning on his way to the office.
September 7 at 9:25pm

John Kuczaj is lamenting the only important thing in his life that he seems to have no control over.
September 7 at 3:29pm

John Kuczaj is ruminating the important things in his life that he has little or no control over.
September 7 at 1:33pm

John Kuczaj was uber lazy on Sunday...and it was GOOD!
September 7 at 4:43am

John Kuczaj sez: Close that window, you're letting the stank out!
September 6 at 10:11pm

John Kuczaj is thinking it's not good that his microwave oven smells like feet.
September 5 at 7:29pm

John Kuczaj is thinking that every bulding owner on Michigan Avenue whose business is disrupted by the Oprah Winfrey Show deserves to pay ZERO taxes to the city that day...all Property and Service taxes MUST be credited due to an unnatural disruption in normal business.
September 4 at 10:14am

John Kuczaj thinks that no one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick. Except maybe the right-wingnuts so scared of even trying to improve health care that they spread lies like "death panels". Society will benefit if those nutjobs die.
September 3 at 12:53pm

John Kuczaj wants to know if the titles of the movies I ordered will appear on the bill when I check out...
September 1 at 9:46pm

John Kuczaj has a great idea for a TV show similar to SABADO GIGANTE, only in English instead of Latin. I'll call it "GIANT SATURDAY".
September 1 at 8:59pm

New Yankee Stadium to Host Insignificant Bowl Game

2009-09-30T12:01:00.001-05:00

I loved this announcement:

NEW YORK - The teams are set, one from the Big East, one from the Big 12. The site: The new $1.5 billion Yankee Stadium.

The leagues and the New York Yankees have a four-year agreement in place, running through the 2013 season. The payout to each team will be about $2 million. For the Yankees, they get another event they hope will fill their 57,545-seat stadium.

The Big East will send either its third or fourth selection to the Yankee Stadium bowl game. The Big 12 will send its seventh selection. If the Big
12 does not have enough bowl eligible teams, Notre Dame has agreed to take its place, providing it is available.

The game will be played between Christmas and New Year’s Day.

So...
The great Yankee Stadium will host a game between the 3rd or 4th best Big East team and the 7th best Big 12 team. In baseball terms, that would be like a game between the 4th-place Toronto Blue Jays playing the 6th-place Pittsburgh Pirates.

I am laughing my ass off...

Meet The Manther

2009-09-29T11:59:00.001-05:00

Nice discussion, I'm still confused...

http://www.beachwoodreporter.com/people_places_things/meet_the_manther.php

Famous Chicago saying: "Where's Mine?"

2009-09-23T12:40:00.003-05:00

South Side ministers irate over CPS anti-violence plan

Saying that Chicago schools chief Ron Huberman had "purposely disrespected" them, a group of Englewood neighborhood pastors said this morning they will protest the award of a $38 million contract by CPS to combat youth violence.
About 50 members of the Pastors of Englewood Association will attend a Chicago Public Schools Board meeting today and are "prepared to be arrested" if the board approves a contract with a Pennsylvania group to provide services to at-risk students, they said. They complained the school system had frozen them out.
The ministers also said that if the contract is approved they also will write to the International Olympic Committee withdrawing their support for the city's bid for the 2016 Olympic Games.
The ministers were reacting to earlier statements by Huberman that the school system intended to offer counseling and jobs to the 200 students most at-risk of being victims of violence. As part of that effort, Huberman proposed entering into a contract with Youth Advocacy Programs Inc., they noted, citing media reports.
"Both of these are blatant disrespect toward the efforts of the organization(s) that have been involved in the Englewood community where most of these services will occur," the ministers said in a news releases issued this morning. "We have submitted countless proposals, attend and officiate the funders of the victims, marches, have existing after school programs."
"Back door politics, secret votes have entered into the issue. No community input into strategies and no bid contracts have been the history of city politics and the pastors refuse to allow this to occur again at the expense of children's lives."

Ah...where to begin?

1. Ministers crying out for donations...cliche, no?
2. Why would you give more money to organizations that have proved to be ineffective in stopping violence?
3. Don't you love it when supposed "religious" people threaten blackmail?

Greedy, ineffective Morons, the lot!

BS Research: Chicago Attractions

2009-09-22T20:00:00.001-05:00

Fran Spielman wrote a story in today's Sun-Times about tourism:

Daley: $16 million to promote tourism is worth it

...it included the following list:

Top 10 Chicago-area sightseeing attractions for 2008*
1. Navy Pier
2. Millennium Park
3. Chicago Trolley & Double Decker Co.
4. Lincoln Park Zoo
5. Six Flags Great America
6. Brookfield Zoo
7. Willis Tower Skydeck
8. Morton Arboretum
9. Chicago Botanic Garden
10. John Hancock Observatory
Source: Crain's Chicago Business

Can anyone find the glaring problems with this list...and lists like it?

How about the fact that the top 3 places on the list are free and do not attempt an accounting of actual attendance. They all use estimates. You know, like all the crowd estimates for events at Grant Park that most people feel are wildly inflated.

This kind of list is BAD RESEARCH. You do not mix two vastly different methodologies like that.

I have always had a difficult time believing that the Navy Pier Mall (let's just call it what it is!) is the #1 attraction in Chicago. If that's the case, then we have way too many stupid people visiting Chicago.

I am 100% sure that the Navy Pier attendance estimate is wildly inflated BS.

WHY do Chicago journalists push this fallacy without question?

Old People Fly Free on Southwest

2009-09-19T17:54:00.001-05:00

The current Southwest Airlines commercials promote the fact that unlike their competitors, they do not charge for checking baggage.

Will they honor "Bags Fly Free" when thousands of old bags try to book flights?
I would think more than a few Senior Citizens would want to take advantage.

I'm just sayin...

Bears-Steelers

2009-09-18T16:03:00.004-05:00

Big game this weekend.
Not sure how I'll be rooting during the game. I mean, I've been a Bears fan most of my football-loving life (1978-present). I've been a Steelers fan since Superbowl XIV in 1980. For the longest time, the Steelers were my secondary favorite team...until the Bears unjustly fired Mike Ditka in favor of a coach with a brain injury. I was pretty pissed when Ditka was fired and we had to put up with a douchebag named Mike McCaskey as the smarmy face of the organization.

COWHER VS WANNIE & JAURON
I will readily admit that from 1993-2003 the Steelers were my #1 team, Bears #2. Think of the head coaches...think of Salaam and Enis...can you blame me? Bears wins always seemed lucky, while Steelers losses seemed like aberrations.

MONSTERS RETURN
Anyway, with Lovie Smith came the return of a dominant defense, so the Bears inched their way back into my graces. Bears & Steelers are probably ties for #1 in my affections, though I have 3 Steelers jerseys, 6 T-Shirts and a pair of Steelers sweatpants while I only have two Bears sweatshirts. If we're voting with fleece, I guess I'm a Steeler fan first, Bears second.

SUM UP
Still, the Bears need this win, so I'm rooting for them Sunday.
...and if the Steelers win, I'll still be happy!

F--- Milton Bradley

2009-09-17T23:00:00.000-05:00

To open Sports Central on WGN radio tonight, David Kaplan had a blistering rant about Milton Bradley's latest antics. As usual, Kap talked of Bradley as poison, that he needed to be gotten rid of, that he should never have been signed. Then went to a commercial break. The bump going into break?

"The Cubs on the Radio! Hi, this is Milton Bradley. You're listening to WGN Radio, home of the Chicago Cubs!"

Freaking Hilarious!
Too bad Kap didn't acknowledge the irony when he came out of commercial.

So...you're a moron, then?

2009-09-17T12:17:00.001-05:00

Omigod...from Gordon Wittenmyer in today's Sun-Times:

The Cubs called up veteran outfielder So Taguchi from Class AAA Iowa to help with their depleted center-field depth. It took Taguchi's agent to reach the surprised player on his cell phone Tuesday night because Taguchi kept ignoring the calls when a Chicago area code appeared on his caller ID.

"I said, 'Chicago? I don't have any friends in Chicago."

Right...and you won't make any too soon either!

Aspirin Can Kill

2009-09-16T17:21:00.000-05:00

The news this weekend that some doofus named Christopher Kelly killed himself with an overdose of ASPIRIN was interesting to me.

DON'T DO THE CRIME IF YOU CAN'T DO THE TIME
The Jackhole, 51, was facing 8 years in prison after pleading guilty last week to tax charges and mail fraud charges in a kickback scheme at O'Hare airport. He's got a wife, a hot young girlfriend and three daughters. Yet, he was most despondent about his shattered reputation and the prospect of facing 8 years in prison. So, he decides he can't go on with life. Sources with the police revealed to me this checklist of priorities in his life:

Being completely selfish, ending life without regard to anyone else who might care for me.
Continuing to raise 3 daughters, spoil and enjoy grandchildren
Doing hot girlfriend, repeatedly
Doing estranged wife occasionally, and repeadedly
Picnics with the Blagojevich's

Okay, I have no sources and made that list up, but look at all this guy had to live for...and in the end he decided to be a selfish asshole. No sympathy warranted, too many wounded people left behind.

FINAL EXIT
I didn't realize you could kill yourself with aspirin...or maybe I did and forgot. There was a time in my life that I did a lot of research on this, and I probably blocked most of it from my memory. That having been said, both the Sun-Times and Tribune did an excellent job explaining that a not-too-large amount of aspirin could be fatal. Add Acetominophen to speed it up a bit.

Duh.

Makes sense...we're talking about drugs that thin the blood. Take enough and you're blood goes all watery, can't feed your organs and you die. Cut yourself and you may not even clot.

I DID enjoy the addendums by law enforcement later on, suggesting there were many prescription drugs involved and even RAT POISON! Ha! Sorry, guys, the horse is out of the barn...thanks for trying to cover up the cheap and easy suicide recipe but I don't believe he took rat poison.

Ruh-Roh, Expect a Quagmire at the Bears Game Sunday

2009-09-15T11:30:00.004-05:00

PHOTO: Sod ripped up at Soldier Field
September 15, 2009 10:52 AM

Crews removed the old sod from Soldier Field this morning as the gigantic U2 stage used for last weekend's two concerts continues to be taken down. (José M. Osorio / Chicago Tribune)

So...the Bears home opener vs. the Steelers is in 5 days, and the new turf is being laid down NOW? What's the over-under on injuries due to poor field conditions? If it's 5, I'm taking the over.

Twitters About Urlacher

2009-09-14T19:00:00.002-05:00

Twitter posts from a Bears insider @ Halas Hall today:

@BearsNsidr: BL back from surgery. Looks down.

@BearsNsidr: BL crying like a baby. Out for season.

@BearsNsidr: Correction. BL crying like a baby b/c he has more time to spend with illegitimate kid.

@BearsNsidr: Jay Glazer just got here, frantically looking for BL.

@BearsNsidr: Glazer found BL, gives him a big hug.

@BearsNsidr: Glazer still hugging BL, gazing into his eyes.

@BearsNsidr: Glazer and BL kissing passionately, open mouth.

@BearsNsidr: Glazer & BL finish their sloppy kiss, wipe spit off each other, walk away.

...none of this is true, of course.

Kanye West, Douchebag

2009-09-14T07:47:00.002-05:00

After seeing arrogant prick Kanye West destroy Taylor Swift's happy and proud moment at the MTV Music Awards, all I can say is this to Kanye:

I laugh everytime I hear of some idiot dying from complications of elective cosmetic surgery. I laugh.

Another Credibile Journalist Lost...

2009-09-10T16:52:00.004-05:00

I am deeply saddened by the news of John Stossel's demise:

ABC's John Stossel jumps to Fox's cable networks
NEW YORK (Yahoo News)– ABC anchor John Stossel is jumping to Fox.
Stossel is a libertarian whose work won both headaches and viewers for ABC during his 28 years at the network. He'll anchor a weekly program on the Fox Business Network and appear regularly on Fox News Channel.
His new show on the business network will explore consumer issues and libertarianism. Stossel was known for his "Give Me a Break" stories on ABC, which he turned into a best-selling book. He was an anchor at "20/20" for ABC. ABC says Elizabeth Vargas will continue to anchor that show.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090910/ap_en_ot/us_tv_fox_stossel

He was a great journalist, and I will miss him deeply.
Farewell John!

SNL Gets Less Attractive

2009-09-08T19:00:00.003-05:00

I'm bummed about the news that Saturday Night Live let go of the beautiful and talented Casey Wilson. She was one of the few reasons I could stand watching the show anymore. I'm going to miss the ability to see this hottie every week.

The only positive is that I will be able to watch SNL with BOTH hands free from now on...

Memo to Yahoo News: Blogs are NOT News

2009-09-06T21:24:00.005-05:00

I have generally liked the old front page of Yahoo that had links to news stories (see pic).

In general, the Features/Entertainment/Sports/Life lists relevant stories.

However, a few months ago Yahoo decided that the idiots who blog for them count as "news". So, non-stories like the Tiger Woods Blog entry pictured are now featured as "news".

I need a new news server now that Yahoo News sucks ass.

Suggestions?

Spongetech

2009-09-06T18:40:00.003-05:00

I've been seeing a lot of signs in Major League Baseball parks for a company called "Spongetech".
My reaction:
Kudos to Elaine Benes for founding a company that specializes in the 21st Century technology of contraceptive sponges!

Francisco Rodriguez

2009-09-06T15:00:00.003-05:00

I don't care what anyone says - former Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim/current New York Mets closer Francisco Rodriguez's nickname is not "K-Rod". That doesn't make sense...he has never been the closer with the most strikeouts per inning. I can't imagine what's wrong with the more natural nickname, the name I refer to him:

F-Rod.

Len & Bob Throw in the Towel

2009-09-06T14:00:00.001-05:00

Listening to the Cubs-Mets broadcasts this weekend, it's become very apparent that Len Kasper and Bob Brenly have transitioned from "hopeful" mode to "riding out the season" mode. Not that I blame them...the Cubs are way out of it. It's just very stark, the difference in how they are calling the game. Now there are longer conversations about things not related to the game and long stretches where Brenly doesn't say anything ala "Hawk" Harrelson when the Sox are losing.
Interesting.

FB Status Updates - August 2009

2009-08-31T22:00:00.002-05:00

John Kuczaj is pretty sure the sale of Marvel Comics to Disney will be just as good for Marvel characters as the sale of the Muppets to Disney has been. because...there's just been so many things out with the Muppet characters...like...um...yeah...!
August 31 at 2:09pm

John Kuczaj is watching the Little League World Series and remembering when my LL team almost beat the Yankees in the championship game. After the game our coach Buttermaker gave us bottles of beer which we showered each other with in celebration like champagne. Ah, memories!
August 30 at 4:30pm

John Kuczaj 's dietary desires would be taken care of if he lived a few blocks away from Wendy's, Taco Bell, Jack in The Box, Mr. Submarine and a Chicago hot dog stand.
August 30 at 12:54pm

John Kuczaj is waiting for the part of the Ted Kennedy funeral procession where the hearse careens off a bridge and sinks the the bottom of the river, with only the driver to emerge leaving Ted to a watery grave.
August 29 at 11:38am

John Kuczaj needs to figure out how to pay off his ill-fated payday loan for $2,000 worth of Mega Millions tickets. Local loan shark will loan me $5k and will go triple or nothing if the Cubs sweep the World Series. This could work. Go Cubbies!
August 29 at 9:58am

John Kuczaj took out a payday loan and bought $2,000 worth of Mega Millions tickets. I am brilliant!
August 28 at 12:09pm

John Kuczaj doesn't care what the dictionary says...the plural of Doofus is Doofi.
August 27 at 5:30pm

John Kuczaj thinks there's nothing more beautiful than a pregnant woman...except a pregnant woman with mag wheels.
August 27 at 9:21am

John Kuczaj will be at the Wednesday Open Mic at Bad Dog Tavern playing 2 cover songs. Theme of the night will be: Riffs I cannot play, so I will not play them in this song.
August 26 at 1:18am

John Kuczaj Had his face melted off by DREAM THEATER at the Chicago Theater tonight. Will not press charges.
August 23 at 11:37pm

John Kuczaj Results from the annual LOB baseball game today at Foster/Austin Park: Bryan Sadorf's "Old Creaky Bones" team defeated Len Foote's "Len's Men" squad 45-42 in 9 innings.
August 23 at 4:16pm

John Kuczaj is not looking forward to that reality show where one of the contestants is killed, stuffed into a garbage bin and has their fingers and teeth removed. ewww.
August 21 at 3:08pm

John Kuczaj is pretty sure he's going to be calling the Bears' rookie Safety "Alfalfa" for his entire career. Sorry, dude, I can't help it...
August 21 at 12:55pm

John Kuczaj was pleasantly surprised that Kevin Gregg pitched a perfect inning at the end of the game last night. He definitely should be the 5-run behind specialist. Found his niche!
August 21 at 8:55am

John Kuczaj SEZ: You take the venom out of a cobra & what do you got? You got a...belt!
August 19 at 10:06pm

John Kuczaj is amazed at how the world finds its center. First Robert Novak dies...the world is a much better place for a short time, now Don Hewitt dies...the world loses a great person.
August 19 at 4:46pm

John Kuczaj Is not very good with small talk banter. So...how about that local sports team...?
August 18 at 10:05pm

John Kuczaj feels sorry for everyone in hell now that Robert Novak has arrived...
August 18 at 11:26am

John Kuczaj Got up from my seat next to the door on the L so the pregnant woman standing could sit. Instead, another woman grabbed the seat. WTF!
August 18 at 9:01am

John Kuczaj hopes Kevin Gregg is enjoying his final year in Major League Baseball.
August 18 at 12:00am

John Kuczaj Is giving up on Twitter (I just don't get it) and sticking to posting my wisdom on Facebook status updates. I can type more characters anyw
August 17 at 10:12am via Twitter

John Kuczaj was at Wrigley today where the game was delayed 45 minutes by rain, then 2 hours by no rain, then 30 minutes by rain before being called off.
August 16 at 6:43pm

John Kuczaj Wrigley is getting buzzed by fighter jets...are we at war with anyone?
August 16 at 3:20pm

John Kuczaj At the Cubs game thinking its a good idea for Lou to bench Jeff Baker today...nimrod is only hitting .500 lately...way too hot so let's cool him off...
August 16 at 1:09pm

John Kuczaj Going to the Cubs game today...hoping they can continue winning against the sucky teams.
August 16 at 2:53am

John Kuczaj is thinking that Les Paul is currently jamming with Leo Fender, Adolph Rickenbacker, Orville Gibson, Mortimer Epiphone and Hiro Ibanez.
August 13 at 12:42pm

John Kuczaj
LOVES seeing idiots try to get on the train who think the doors will pop open just like elevator doors if they wedge an arm in there. They don't because they aren't. To the woman who got on today as the doors were closing but her purse ha...d to ride outside the car, I say: BWAAA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! ...jackhole!!!!
August 13 at 9:40am

John Kuczaj Predicts that one day soon, Chris Berman of ESPN will be fired for coming up with the nickname Aaron "Sieg" Heilman.
August 12 at 9:27pm

John Kuczaj has decided to add "Jackhole" to his cuss-word vocabulary. Congratulations Jackhole on making the cut!
August 12 at 5:41pm

John Kuczaj is looking into forming an unholy army of the damned.
August 12 at 4:51pm

John Kuczaj
Remember when Sarah Palin scolded "the media" to stop making things up?
Remember when Sarah Palin scolded "the media" for coverage of her family?
...looks like she can't follow her own advice, and has proved once again what a sack of shit she really is!
PolitiFact | Sarah Palin falsely claims Barack Obama runs a 'death panel'
Source: www.politifact.com
Sarah Palin, the former governor of Alaska, urged her supporters to oppose Democratic plans for health care reform on her Facebook page. "As more Americans delve into the disturbing details of the ...
August 11 at 11:38am

John Kuczaj is writing up a proposal to Peoples Gas offering to sell them exclusive rights to capture and re-sell my self-generated methane emissions. While most of these emissions contain a high amount of sulfur (anecdotal evidence suggests as much), it is my ...belief that Peoples would benefit from acquiring my cheap and plentiful gas while I can use the secondary income source.
August 10 at 1:56pm

John Kuczaj is loving the weather today. Two things brought me back to summertime as a kid...walking across an asphalt parking lot as the oppressive heat beat down on me and taking in the wonderful smell of the baking asphalt around me. Then, going into an over-air conditioned 7-11 for a Coca Cola Slurpee. The only thing missing was a Ms. Pac-Man game at 7-11. Still...HEAVEN!
August 9 at 3:11pm

John Kuczaj is looking forward to a day of mostly indoors, marked by periods of partly outdoor activity
August 9 at 9:37am

John Kuczaj is bummed his favorite softball player only had 1 AB Saturday night. Still, he recommends everyone go see Chicago Bandits softball in Elgin...a very fun, affordable time! www.ChicagoBandits.com
August 8 at 11:48pm

John Kuczaj Bandits lose 3-0. Would have won had Samantha Findlay started. Jennie Finch was not all that tonight!!!
August 8 at 10:00pm

John Kuczaj Extra innings in Elgin...Bandits 0 Akron 0. Samantha Findlay PH in 7th & grounded out. :( She still rules!!!
August 8 at 9:00pm

John Kuczaj Watching the Bandits play with the awesome Samantha Findlay on the bench. Someone named Jennie Finch playing 1B in her place. BOOOO! Having a fun time otherwise.
August 8 at 7:46pm

John Kuczaj is going to the CHICAGO BANDITS game tonight to cheer on awesome power hitter Samantha Findlay (she's dreamy!!!). Hit her team-leading 8th homer last night...I'm pulling for her to power 2 or 3 tonight!
August 8 at 1:11pm

John Kuczaj overheard this on the CTA: Hitler couldn't get these trains to run on time!
August 7 at 7:25pm via Twitter

John Kuczaj is laughing on the inside. Also, he's digesting food on the inside.
August 6 at 1:04pm

John Kuczaj sez: yeah, that's right...I rob now.
August 5 at 6:29pm via Twitter

John Kuczaj thinks the Cookie Monster was right all along...'C' _is_ for cookie, and that's good enough for me!
August 5 at 3:38pm via Twitter

John Kuczaj is reading the Cook County budget that was in my Sun-Times today. Toddler Stroger spends $28k on lifts for his shoes, $13k on Legos. Huh.
August 5 at 1:48pm via Twitter

John Kuczaj ...AHHH! A spider!
August 5 at 10:16am

John Kuczaj 's jaw is on the ground...Jan Jeffcoat on Fox Chicago is genuinely upset that Bill Clinton was able to get the 2 journalists released from North Korea. Is it because she is threatened by other Asian journalists? She keeps mentioning that Current TV was founded by Al Gore.
August 5 at 8:17am

Comment
John Kuczaj - Jan is most definitely prime for a job with the Fox News Channel, or perhaps the NRA. She is way out of place here because the Chicago market is nowhere near being far right (or even far left for that matter). Even Fox News correspondent Doug Luzader seemed shocked that she was grilling him on "what kind of deal did we make with North Korea?" as if Clinton sold the US to terrorists.

This partisan crap is disgusting.
August 5 at 9:36am

John Kuczaj can't get that song lyric out of his head: "Despite all my rage I am still just a fat Indian sage"
August 4 at 5:52pm via Twitter

John Kuczaj sees beauty wherever he is and wonders: "...am I a part of this, or only a detached observer?" and "...Are these emotions real, or just chemical reactions manipulating me?"
August 4 at 9:25am

John Kuczaj Wonders why Marmol finished the game Monday night...oh, yeah because Kevin Gregg is the worst closer in the history of modern baseball. I forget sometimes.
August 4 at 1:04am

John Kuczaj Let's all popularize Kevin "Blown Save" Gregg's new nickname.
August 2 at 9:45pm

John Kuczaj is thinking..yeah...Kevin Gregg...he's a good 4-A ballplayer...
August 2 at 6:44pm

John Kuczaj 's TiVo died after 5 years of excellent service...a moment of silence please...
August 1 at 4:57pm

Poor Milton Bradley!

2009-08-27T11:11:00.001-05:00

Milton Bradley feels hatred.
It is hatred that he thinks is totally unrelated to his truly awful performance in 2009.
He is DELIUSIONAL.

He is quoted as saying:

"All I'm saying is I just pray the game is nine innings, so I can be out there the least amount of time as possible and go home."

How cool would it have been had he instead said:

"All I'm saying is I just pray the game is eight and a half innings, so the team can be out there the least amount of time as possible and go home happy."

Fun on the Shuttle Bus

2009-08-24T12:10:00.002-05:00

Dream Theater played last night at the Chicago Theater, headlining the Progressive Nation 2009 tour. Since I had no desire to see any of the other acts, I left my condo and headed downtown at 8pm. My friend Tom told me that DT would go on around 9:30pm. More than enough time, as the Blue Line ride should be just 30 minutes from the Irving Park stop.

Oops...CTA working on the Blue Line...shuttle buses between Western & Clark/Lake.
Wonderful.

We get to Western, down the stairs and board an accordion bus. I'm sitting toward the back of the bus. After about 5 minutes, the bus is reasonably full, but not totally full. Not a shock that the driver is supposed to wait for the bus to be full. Unfortunately, too many people on the bus care only for themselves and the grousing begins.

Sitting two seats away from me is "The Smartest Man in the World". He looks and sounds like Michael Clarke Duncan, only he's a moron.

First he decides to yell up to the female CTA driver that the bus is full, time to get going. Then he starts talking in the direction of the people around him about how crappy the CTA service is. Soon, the bus fills up and we're off. "TSMITW" takes credit because 3 minutes prior he yelled to get going.

We head down Milwaukee, get to Damen, unload some and load some people, then for the trip to Division/Milwaukee, the driver heads east on North avenue. TSMITW doesn't like this. He starts yelling that the driver has no idea where she's going, that she should have stayed on Milwaukee. He's pretty relentless with this. Meanwhile, I can see other shuttle buses coming the opposite way on the same route. This route makes sense to me because Milwaukee between North & Division is congested and slow...North Avenue and Ashland (where she turned right) are two-lane roads that go quick. Of course, when we get to Division, TSMITW is pretty sure that his yelling made her get back on the correct route.

Next stop after Division is the Chicago/Milwaukee stop. Unfortunately, this bus only has an automated PA system, so the driver cannot announce stops. We stop, but with people standing on the bus, we can't see where we are. TSMITW yells out to the driver "where we at?" "where we at?" but enlightened people exiting the bus call back "Chicago stop". TSMITW tells everyone around him that the driver is an idiot and has no idea what she's doing.

We eventually get to Clark/Lake at about 9:05. I get off and head to the Chicago Theater, hoping the driver gets a few other CTA drivers and beats the crap out of TSMITW.

Got to my seat just as the show started.
Dream Theater did not disappoint, totally rocked the house and melted off my face.

Now for the trip home.
I sat at the back of the bus for the shuttle from Clark/Lake.
sitting on seats to the left of me, two attractive girls that seemed to be from out of town. They spoke German to each other. On the right, across the aisle and facing them is "The Pickup Artist". In the middle of the trip, he starts talking to the girls, who have zero interest. Asking them where's they're from & what they do. The bus is noisy and they talk low, so I didn't hear much of it. I did, however, hear the part where he asks if they've seen "Inglorious Basterds" which opened two days prior. They say no. He goes on to explain it's about Nazi's, and I'm pretty sure he'd expected that to really excite the girls. Like...they're German, I'm sure Nazi's get them hot. Needless to say, they had little reaction.

Finally we got to Western and I hopped the train home.

FB Status Updates - July 2009

2009-07-31T14:30:00.003-05:00

John Kuczaj Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! I just watched the first episode of the GREATEST REALITY TV SHOW EVER!!!!!!! More To Love on Fox...this show is AWESOME!!!!!! I have to watch it 10 minutes at a time...20 hot women (21 if you include Emme)! Sensory overload!!! Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! Omigod!
July 31 at 2:03pm

John Kuczaj Doesn't care what Chicago Aldermen say...he's going to shoot at criminals in cars.
July 30 at 1:20pm

John Kuczaj is thinking of ditching this music thing and devoting his free time to writing Ugly Betty fan fiction.
July 30 at 9:23am

John Kuczaj did not think there was a Chicago Public Schools admissions clout scandal until Mayor Daley said he didn't think there was one and welcomed an investigation. Now I KNOW there's wrong-doing!
July 29 at 11:53am

John Kuczaj is getting tired of battling C.H.U.D.s during his commute.
July 29 at 9:39am

John Kuczaj just read that TWITTER is launching a spin-off service for people to send messages while in public restrooms. You guessed it...it's called SHITTER.
July 28 at 2:30pm

John Kuczaj was challenged to a fight by a shirtless Tony Bernazard this morning during my commute.
July 28 at 10:12am

John Kuczaj is no longer patterning his life after the movie TRON. From now in it's all based on FALLING DOWN. D FENS licens plate on order
July 27 at 4:17pm

John Kuczaj can't come to the status update at this time. Please leave a message at the beep and he will get back to you as soon as he returns. If you need immediate assistance, please dial 9-1-2.
July 24 at 5:32pm

John Kuczaj Facebook has agreed to let 3rd party advertisers use your posted photos without your permission, including allowing them to photoshop your head onto pictures of fornicating animals and zombies. To opt out: Click on settings (located on top of page in... blue bar, next to logout); Scroll to the bottom of the page and click "Deactivate". Say 'yes" to all questions.
July 24 at 2:46pm

John Kuczaj sez: way to go Mark Buehrle! If he were a Cub, Lou would have lifted him in the 8th inning.
July 23 at 3:14pm

John Kuczaj Almost broke his streak of twelve years without pushing anyone in front of a train today. Almost.
July 22 at 6:24pm

John Kuczaj thinks everyone's missing the point. It's not that the city of Chicago raised parking meter rates, it's that parking enforcement and ticketing has gone from 1% of the time to 100% of the time. Maybe if the parking meters were policed before, the city would not have had to sell them.
July 22 at 12:23pm

John Kuczaj 's trivia team finished a close 5th or 6th place last night. Our team name was "Ron Santo's Legs"
July 22 at 10:57am

John Kuczaj Experimented with drugs this weekend. Took Extenze and Enzyte together, poked a 3" wide hole thru a wall with my natural enhancement. Then added some Flomax, had to stand 10 feet away, but filled the bathtub 3/4 with a strong, thick stream.
July 20 at 9:27am

John Kuczaj is pretty sure that Lance Armstrong doesn't have the balls to win the Tour de France.
July 19 at 10:34pm

John Kuczaj is watching the ESPYs, wondering who will win the award for best baseball team in 2008. I have $1000 on the Tampa Bay Rays.
July 19 at 8:29pm

John Kuczaj is waiting for the point in the Walter Cronkite tribute where Dan Rather expresses no remorse and then cackles diabolically for pushing Cronkite into early retirement.
July 19 at 6:43pm

John Kuczaj ate the bag of skittles in his desk. It was a rainbow of flavor.
July 17 at 4:49pm

John Kuczaj is heading to Milwaukee to train a client today. Luckily, all of his shots are up to date for the trip to the other side of the Cheddar Curtain.
July 16 at 8:39am

John Kuczaj wonders if the Secret Service is aware that at tonight's All-Star game, Enrico Pallazzo is singing the national anthem, Reggie Jackson and Vincent Ludwig will be in attendance, Tim McCarver is in the booth and Frank Drebin is on suspension. As ...Frank would say: It's a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don't amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!
July 14 at 3:12pm

John Kuczaj Good Day Chicago weather guy showed off pictures he took from Sears Tower he says are above Wacker Avenue. Wonder if he's been on Michigan Street or Lake Shore Road yet. Someone get him tickets to Wrigley Stadium.
July 14 at 7:28am

John Kuczaj is watching the All-Star celebrity All-Star Game on ESPN. Nelly looks like a Tranny. What's up with that?
July 13 at 10:21pm

John Kuczaj isn't sure how it happened, but right now Alfonso Soriano is 0-3 with 2 K's and 2 errors. How is this possible when the Cubs aren't playing???
July 13 at 8:58pm

John Kuczaj sez: Someone please explain to Lou Pinella that Complete Games have not been outlawed and are, in fact, a very good thing. Also, someone hit Carlos Marmol in the head with a ball peen hammer. Please.
July 11 at 7:45pm

John Kuczaj sez: When will you humans learn that your FEELINGS will be your undoing!!!
July 10 at 2:22pm

John Kuczaj did not immediately understand why the dyslexic man in distress was yelling "pleh! pleh!"
July 10 at 9:33am

John Kuczaj would like to point out that Lisa Madigan is her father's daughter.
July 9 at 9:28am

John Kuczaj sez: It doesn't matter how much offensive support you get. When you are 4-4 at the all-star break and considered the #1 pitcher on your team, you are UNDERACHIEVING. You hear me, Z?
July 8 at 7:50am

John Kuczaj Had lunch at Weber Grill...ordered a burger and asked them to make it in a George Forman Grill. Owner Potsie Weber came out special to slap me then sing a song
July 7 at 2:05pm

John Kuczaj The MJ tribute show looks really great...too bad Michael Jackson can't die every week...
July 7 at 1:02pm

John Kuczaj sez: Steve McNair's mistress bought a gun two days before that gun was used in their deaths...kinda thin evidence. Also, she registered "www.IAmKillingSteveMcNair.com" with GoDaddy last week. Still, I'm not convinced.
July 7 at 10:05am

John Kuczaj read that Sarah Palin and daughter Bristol signed with World Modeling Agency and will be making adult videos in Van Nuys, CA. Said Palin: "It's the only talent we have, and I'm not getting any younger dontcha know."
July 4 at 10:02am

John Kuczaj sez: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. After two games with a real leadoff hitter, obviously INSANE Cubs Manager Lou Pinella reinstates multi-untalented Alfonso Soriano (0-for-5, 3... LOB) to the top spot. Thank god for the good hitters in the 2-9 spots.
July 3 at 8:13pm

John Kuczaj thinks there's no better way to celebrate your country's independence than blowing up a small piece of it. July 3 at 8:42am

John Kuczaj wonders if watching Sam Fuld has reminded Lou Pinella what a REAL lead off hitter is supposed to be like, or will he forget next time Soriano puts on the kneepads and kneels down in front of him...
July 2 at 10:44pm

John Kuczaj wanted to test out the new Sears Tower skydeck ledge, but was denied entry because of the jackhammer he was carrying.
July 2 at 12:05pm

FB Status Updates - June 2009

2009-06-30T11:00:00.001-05:00

John Kuczaj would like to remind everyone that the movie Transformers 2 is a recreation of events that really happened.
June 30 at 10:15am

John Kuczaj has heard that being intimate with Jeff Goldblum is like being in a flesh storm with a 90% chance of satisfaction (source: The Colbert Report 6/29/09). Huh. That's 5% less than my average rating...
June 29 at 10:53pm

John Kuczaj Is on his way home. Note that Hobby Airport in Houston has Fox News Channel on all TVs. I can feel brain cells killing themselves in order to get away from the idiocy.
June 28 at 11:07am

John Kuczaj is in Texas looking to mess with it...just a little bit.
June 27 at 1:29pm

John Kuczaj eating an Ultimate Cheeseburger at Jack In The Box. Mmmmmmmmm......
June 27 at 11:16am

John Kuczaj was wondering who was taking all the hot Argentinian chicks...it's married Republicans!!!
June 24 at 4:08pm

John Kuczaj loves hearing stories about Perez Hilton being repeatedly punched in the face. Why doesn't that happen daily?
June 23 at 1:23pm

John Kuczaj Some advice to Kate Gosselin...guys are interested in you only for the money & your 15min of "fame". They'll drop you quick when they discover that being with a woman who's had 8 kids is like throwing a hot dog down a hallaway.
June 23 at 11:07am

John Kuczaj wants to assure everyone that I was having a conversation about Music critics and was referring to Greg Kot when the band abruptly ended the song as I yelled "I LOVE KOT". That's Kot with a "T" sound at the end, okay? Not a... "K" sound at the end. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm just sayin'...
June 22 at 3:14pm

John Kuczaj Thanks everyone who came out to see him Saturday Night. If you didn't have a chance to see me, at least watch my video (and forward it to friends): http://www.BoyBandBeatdown.com
June 21 at 3:42am

John Kuczaj is going to call D'Ambrosia in the D.A.'s office to ask him if coffee is psychic.
June 17 at 8:13pm

John Kuczaj did not watch the Tonys because it has gotten way too pretentious and commercial since the name was changed from the Anthonys
June 7 at 10:28pm

John Kuczaj is thinking the best way to improve the Cubs is cutting Soriano and Bradley, promoting two minor leaguers who will actually TRY in the field and CARE about winning.
June 6 at 7:59pm

John Kuczaj David Carradine, meet Michael Hutchence...Michael Hutchence, David Carradine. Now shake hands...and please use the hand not attached to your wang from rigor mortis.
June 5 at 10:26am

John Kuczaj David Carradine succumbs to the Kung Flu epidemic....that's 2 celebrities down...who do you have on the celebrity dead pool for #3? I am rooting for Rush Limbaugh.
June 4 at 9:42am

John Kuczaj thinks last night's game proves beyond doubt that Lou Pinella has no freaking clue how to handle pitchers. Wells gave up 1 run and two hits after only 85 pitches...he deserved the chance to complete his game, no matter how great you think your ...bullpen is. No excuse for taking him out except perhaps Lou has a massive head injury. Pinella lost the game for the Cubs, his ass should be fired...a dead chimp is smarter.
June 3 at 7:58am

John Kuczaj no whammy, no whammy, no whammy, no whammy, no whammy, no whammy.....STOP!!!!
June 2 at 7:00pm

John Kuczaj still wonders why Spike Lee's ESPN documentary on Kobe Bryant didn't include Kobe's off-day raping ritual.
June 2 at 3:52pm

John Kuczaj Accidentally hit "Buy It Now" on eBay last night and bought the Hummer brand. Now my PayPal account is $135 lighter. Argh!
June 2 at 10:09am

The Reader reviews my debut CD

2009-06-01T12:56:00.004-05:00

Ouch!
I asked for it...

http://illinoisentertainer.com/2009/06/around-hear-june-2009/

Atomic Shop, the self-titled debut from Chicago singer/songwriter John Kuczaj, is unfortunately the type of debut singer/songwriters should attempt to avoid. Kuczaj’s vocals are barely on-key and, sadly, the lyrics aren’t much better. Kuczaj does aim for humor on half the tracks, like “Co, Bondo & Beer” and “(Oh No) The Cubs Suck Again,” but such songs just make it harder to take him seriously. (www.atomicshopmusic.com)
– Carter Moss

I sent my debut CD to the Reader fully expecting it to get a negative review. I was hoping to hear something constructive, but ended up disappointed. In this case, it was obvious that the reviewer did not listen to much of the CD. As far as the on-key statement, I was able to vet my vocals with no less than 3 working musicians including a well-respected voice teacher at Old Town School of Folk music. The only thing I would guess about that crack was that vocals in the song "Maggie Be Mine" are frequently dissonant ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consonance_and_dissonance ) yet always resolve. The lyrics crack is subjective...I have never heard a criticism of my lyrics before, but maybe my writing style doesn't suit the reviewer. The humor on half the tracks statement is a minefield where the reviewer blew himself up. Granted, I would agree that 6 or 7 of the 13 songs contain tongue-in-cheek humor. However, "CO, Bondo & Beer" is a song about my memories of my father growing up and how after his death, the family will carry on. If the reviewer finds this humorous, I can only speculate that he's got "Schindler's List" on his top 10 favorite comedies list. The last statement is odd..suggesting that if you incorporate humor into songs you cannot be taken seriously.
Right.

Still, I regret nothing.